Monday, December 14, 2009
On Sunday while at work, I think I felt you move, little butterball. I felt a kind of rolling pressure in my lower abdomen. Almost like you were turning with your elbow poking out. I felt it multiple times and more today. I am convinced it is you and not gas. Feeling you makes me love you even more. It makes this seem more real. It makes me more anxious to see you and find out if you are a boy or girl. I love you butterball. I can't wait to meet you.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Sunday at work I got the ultrasound tech to scan me so I could see my little butter ball. It s so cute! Looks just like a real baby now. I even got to see it's little legs and feet! It was great. Now only 3 more weeks to try to find out what sex it is.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
So this morning I took the Intelligender test. It's a little early, I won't be ten weeks until Saturday, but I am anxious. I now know how crucial it is to wait the appropriate amount of time. I cannot figure out my results. When held up to light the test looks orange - Girl! When sitting on the counter it looks green - Boy! I've sent the company emails with pictures attached with flash on and flash off, in direct sunlight and in natural light. I've just frustrated myself and possibly wasted thirty dollars because I will more than likely buy another test to take in a week or two. I may be able to hold out until I am 15 weeks and get an ultrasound, but who knows.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My aunt Linda died on Saturday morning. It was sudden. My mom and other aunt spoke to her the night before. I had tried to call her twice, but got no answer. She had had an intestinal virus for the previous three days, other than that she was fine. She was one of the two people that I speak to on a regular basis. Her and my mom. Now just my mom. My heart aches. I want so badly to call her. To hear her say "Hey babe!" We have to go through her things. I don't want to. She is being cremated, her service is next Tuesday, the 24th of November. The day AFTER I can do Inteligender to see what kind of baby I am carrying. I never sent her videos of Mylie dancing or talking. That saddens me. I had to go buy funeral clothes today. For me and Mylie. It wasn't fun shopping. I've gotten sick from grief twice already. My sister in law called to check on me, she knew how close Linda and I were. My first thought was, I need to call Linda and tell her how thoughtful Micha is. I could literally hear her saying "How sweet" I am dreading Tuesday. I have a constant lump in my throat. I miss her terribly bad. I don't know how I am going to make it. I know I will, it just seems inconceivable at the time. I love you Linda, with terrible passion!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I had it today. No more monitoring the cysts, at least he didn't mention it. He thinks they will dissolve on their own. Butterball is taking on baby shape! It's amazing to see the difference in just two weeks! God is amazing! Just AMAZING! Heart rate was 167 bpm. Same due date. Everything looks great. Next week when I get paid I will buy Intelligender. On November 23, 2009 I will use Intelligender. I will post pictures of the results. I am anxiously awaiting the test. Will it be a Ryel or a Spencer? Dun, dun, dun...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I go back to the doctor next Thursday and have another ultrasound. I am excited to see my little butterball again. I think we may have agreed on a name. Girl = Ryel Mahlynn. Boy = Spencer Grant. There's still time to debate and change our minds, but I really like those right now. I found out today that my delivery shouldn't cost us a fortune. That is a good thing because Talise has orthodontic work that needs to be done, I need a crown and I'm not even going into Fernando's mouth. OMG! Fernando registered for CDL classes today. He takes his Compass test on Monday. he has been happier just feeling like a plan is in motion. I'm happy when he's happy. My niece is getting married! How crazy is that? It totally doesn't seem like she is old enough, but I guess she is.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I went in today for my first ultrasound for this pregnancy. ONE baby! Yay! A good strong heartbeat, which I didn't expect to hear this early on, but it was AMAZING! 115 bpm. He changed my EDD to 6-19-2010. My hormones are all out of whack, I am fighting tears just typing about it. He suggested I get the swine flu vaccine, which I am EXTREMELY hesitant about. There just isn't a lot of testing been done yet. He strongly encouraged it, saying that swine flu kills pregnant ladies. Given my occupation, my exposure to it is very high, so I bit the bullet and took it. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to this little butterball because I was stubborn. I also had two very large cysts on my right ovary. I have to go back in two weeks for another scan. I am a happy girl!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Happy Birthday to my husband. He is forty years old today. I still have to go make him a cake. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He is a wonderful husband and an amazing father. He can make me completely insane in both good and bad ways. I cannot imagine my life without him. Happy Birthday Love Muffin!
Friday, October 23, 2009
I've been feeling funky lately. Bored. Blah. A little pukey, but blah. I've gotten out of the house, did some yard work, did some cleaning, still funky. I work tomorrow. Not looking forward to it, although I am looking forward to seeing my friend. She will be there. Fernando and I have been tossing around names. Yes, I know it's early, it takes us FOREVER to pick a name. With Mylie we were arguing after she was born and the birth certificate was filled out. Fernando likes Devon Reid, he's picked no girl names. I like it alright. I like Rielle Malin or Rielle Hartley. He goes back and forth with it. There is no telling what it will end up. I'm bored. I guess I'll go play Bejeweled.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
It was today at 1:00. Pretty dull actually. He did a pap smear, felt around, asked me when my last cycle was, when I tested, how many tests I took. He didn't give me an official EDD. he thinks I may have ovulated earlier than I think since I tested positive so early. I go in for an ultrasound next Friday. They didn't even take blood or anything. I guess they do that later. It still feels good that it is official.
Friday, October 16, 2009
I am currently 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant. About a week ago I started having symptoms. So far I've had a headache every day. Nothing crazy bad, just a dull ache, strong enough to not let you forget it's there. Five days ago I started getting nauseated. It usually comes on after lunch which made me think it was my iron supplement doing tit to me, but yesterday I got a surprise bout of it right after breakfast. I thought that if you kept something in your belly that you wouldn't get it. I was wrong. I am exhausted most of the time. During the week I try to take a nap when Mylie does, at work I just suffer through it. I already have to pee a lot, and when the urge hits me ~ BAM! Oh and I am gassy, yay! I just can't wait to go to work with THAT symptom. I went to the dentist yesterday and I need a crown. My dentist called my ob and the ob said I could have it done as long as they don't use epinephrine, and that I could have Tylenol 3. Although my ob says it's safe it makes me nervous. My dentist says that my tooth has four fractures, not just one, and if I wait for it to break it will cost more to repair it. I REALLY want to wait until December because I will be in my second trimester. But, with only me working right now, I can only afford so much. Speaking of working, Fernando has an interview Monday!!! I have been praying up a storm. I've enlisted all of my friends and family to pray also. That would be AMAZING! I know God will provide, he always does, it would just relax me a bit. Oh! Crazy dreams have already started. A couple of nights ago I dreamed I had triplets. TRIPLETS! The first one, I didn't see at all, have no idea where it is. The second one I delivered and it was whisked away, the third one came out and tore me. But they placed her on my chest. I remember looking down at her and saying "This is my Rielle!" Then I had to search the halls and beg for someone to come and stitch me up. While being stitched I finally saw the second born, which was A LOT larger than the last. I think I had triplets because I already have two girls, and that's why the second one (whose still a baby) was so much bigger than Rielle. Who knows. I've already started throwing out names to my family. Fernando came home and asked about Devon, eh, we'll see. I like Caliope ~ shot down fast! Once I can buy Intelligender and get a hint at what sex this little pumpkin is I'll be in serious search. I LOVE looking up baby names.
Monday, October 12, 2009
My mother said " I wish you wouldn't tell me so soon, what if you miscarry?" Thanks mom! How very supportive of you! My friend, the one I was worried about was happy for me. if she got upset she hid it well. My co-workers have been great so far. It still doesn't seem real. I am looking forward to my first Dr.'s visit. It's on the 20th of this month. It amazing how quickly you forget aspects of pregnancy. Speaking of forgetting, Breastfeeding 1-2-3 at Blisstree.com is giving away a Laugh and Learn dvd set. Just go to this link http://www.blisstree.com/breastfeeding123/laugh-and-learn-dvd-set-giveaway/#respond to enter to win.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My friend told me about them, so I bought two. That's right, not one, two. They were on sale. Plus $2.00 off. So I brought it home and peed on it. I anxiously awaited the three minutes. I couldn't leave it in the bathroom, I HAD to bring it into the computer room with me while I checked my email. I looked down full expecting to see a NO- but NOPE! YES+ I CANNOT believe it. I tried to calm myself down and walked outside to show my husband. I asked him to look at it to see if he could tell if it was positive or not. He dropped it on the concrete! I nearly screamed DON'T Break It! He picked it up and looked at it. What does yes mean, then he got it. He grinned very big. I am SO excited! Now I have to start saving for maternity leave.
I bought a couple of pregnancy tests at Food Depot. They are the cheapest, store brand test I have found so far, $.76. On the box it says compare to First Response and that they detect 25 ml. I don't know why I did it, but I tested yesterday. Day 26 of a 31 day cycle, very early, I know. I'm not sure if I got a faint positive, or an evaporation line. I followed the directions to a t. Four drops of urine, wait 3 minutes, it looks barely pink, which could be evaporation. I am going to buy a real first response today. It seems those have the best early results. I feel hopeful about this cycle, my cervix seems to be acting pregnant from what I've read. It is still soft and high, but closed, I have creamy cm in abundance, cramping everyday, and this last one is a little kookie but, my hair is curling up. When I was pregnant with Mylie my hair went all curly on me, my husband thought I was nuts when I reminded him, but he agreed. It is also falling out a bit, it also did that before, it could be because of the Clomid though. Oh, and my husband was watching my get dressed and commented on how big my areolas look. So I feel hopeful. I don't feel quite as anxious to test with my other girls I was the same way. The test yesterday was just to do it, I didn't expect to have the results I wanted this early on. I'm saying some prayers and crossing my fingers (just to cover all bases)!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
You know this whole ttc thing really sucks. My friends seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. And although most of them try to be supportive, it only helps so much. I understand it not their fault that they are fertile, it still can really ruin your day to hear that someone you love and are around a lot gets pregnant. I want to be happy for them, I really do, but it is hard. On the other foot, the few people I know that struggle also disturb me as well. I want to be able to share with them when I finally get my positive, but I notice the worry on their face and strain in their voice when they ask when i am supposed to test. I can relate to the panic. Pure frustration.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I am so amazing pleased right now. Why? you ask. Because I got my progesterone level results. 15.2! Finally! Something with hope, promise. My areola's are enlarged, I SO hope that it is because we got it right this time. Only time will tell.
Friday, October 2, 2009
First off, Mylie has been using her potty really well. She peed in the potty about 6 times yesterday. I bought her some stickers to use as a reward. It's working well. I am SO proud of her. Mylie is only 18 months, Talise was 2 before she really started using it. Talise got her first phone call from a boy last night. She freaked out! She took off out the side door running towards the pear tree which she tried to climb. She said she was really nervous as to why she went running. She said she never thought he'd really call her. I explained to her how he probably had to build up courage to call and next time talk to him. I am going to put her in karate classes, or something of the sort. Some girls are trying to intimidate her and I want to build up her confidence so she'll stand up for herself. In fact I have to call her counselor today about that very thing. I will be so glad when she changes school next year. this one is my least favorite of all the ones she's been to. I went in for my progesterone check today. This is getting old fast. I hope it worked this time. Of course, I'd hoped it worked last time too. I called the technical college about nursing classes. They told me my core from radiology would count towards rn. All I need to do is register and take the NLN PAX. I am going to buy the study guide soon. Well, that's it!
Monday, September 28, 2009
I have prayed about this, spoke to my husband about it, and it is still really bothering me. I am a x-ray/ct tech. I was at work yesterday and round the corner to my department and see my co-worker fussing over this lady waiting for her ultrasound. My co-worker looks panicked and there are towels at this ladies feet pink stained. The lady was standing in front of her wheelchair crying. I ran over to see if I could help and find out what is going on and my co-worker ran back to our desk to call an ob nurse. The lady was 18 weeks pregnant and had been having cramping in her lower abdomen for two days. The ob nurse gets there and has us call the e.r. dr. that sent the lady to ultrasound and tell him to contact the ladies obgyn and tell him she is in early labor. The e.r. dr. said for us to still get the ladies scan done! Well, the ultrasound tech finally finishes the scan she is working on and we get the lady into the room. When she stands gushes of fluid rushes out to the floor. She says she feels pressure in her bottom. We get her on the table and immediately she says something came out. I had to pull her pants down and there was her baby. It wasn't alive. It was SO tiny, perfectly made. The lady was hysterically crying. It was awful! I had to call down to the e.r. to have her husband brought up and tell the e.r. dr. what had happened. The ob nurse showed the lady her baby, which the lady had asked to see. It was so small it fit inside a washcloth (our makeshift blanket due to limited supplies). When dad got to the department he had no idea why he was there. Thank goodness I didn't have to tell him. I could barely maintain composure. When he came to her, he was crying. I wanted to hug them so badly. But what good would that do? Later that evening we saw the husband in the lobby. My co-worker asked him how his wife was doing. He said she's alright, upest. I told him I was so sorry for his loss. He thanked us for being there with is wife. When it was all over my co-worker and I had a big cry. Although it was quite sad I think it confirmed that I am in the wrong field, I think I may go to nursing school. I've thought about working in l&d for a while now, this experience makes me want to do it even more. Then I could provide more comfort for someone dealing with this. It was so horrible.
Friday, September 25, 2009
It's that time again. Shots for Mylie. I believe this is where they do the autism screening too. Although I am really not concerned about that. She shows no signs so far. I am not at all excited about today's visit though. Vaccines. Yes I believe in vaccinating my children. I work in health care and have seen what can come of not doing so. She does look super cute today. She is wearing a sundress my mom bought her and it looks great with her complexion. I'll post pictures of that later. On a side note, I watched the Business of Being Born yesterday. I highly recommend it to all pregnant ladies, or even those that are planning to become pregnant. I will definitely look into a midwife now. I'm not so sure about giving birth at home, but it is definitely something I will consider. A very informative, touching movie. Now I must go check Talise out of school and get Mylie to her exam.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I am SO done with cake. I made a small cake for my Mommy and Me class. Then I made cupcakes for Talise's class for her birthday. I made a small cake for at home at my mother's request. I bought a cake for myself for my birthday. I bought a cake for Talise's party. Today at Mommy and Me it was K's birthday so guess what B brought...Cake! This is the first time in my life that I can remember that I am fed up with cake. I am also a little fed up with TTC. It's taking over my life again. My husband and I argue about it. Anytime he gets mad at me the first comment is, I don't want anymore kids. Go find someone else to get you pregnant. It hurts. It makes me want to stop. Yet there is still that pull in my heart for a newborn. To feel those little squirms and hear those little sighs and squeaks. Mylie is getting so big. She still nurses and takes a bottle, but she is getting really independent and talking well. She is so smart. She has a double ear infection for three weeks now. She is fed up with antibiotics. We've gone from liquid to chewable, to liquid. We've mixed them in food, drink, forced fed, begged, offered bribes, even allowed her to have some of her daddies super sweet coffee. She'll have none of it. She had to go get a shot. Not fun! She seems to posses super human strength when angry. She had to nurse afterwards and whenever she stopped crying when she looked down and saw the band aid she'd cry some more. Well, to put the icing on the cake, she now has a yeast infection! I pride myself in my girls not getting diaper rashes. Mylie strips herself of her diaper and wanders naked as a jay bird often. She hasn't ever gotten a rash. Well, I can no longer say that. Talise had herself a boyfriend. He came to her party and behaved very well. He snuck in a kiss, on her arm. Five to be exact. She wouldn't let him kiss her face because she is a good girl! That's my girl! She broke up with him on Monday.He cried. She is catching a lot of slack from his buddies, he still likes her. I am trying to teach her how important it is to be nice. How bad rejection feels. I dread it, but I am sure her heart will one day get broken too. I feel so bad for the little guy. And his mom. Oh well.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
To my sweet sixteen! Yup! I am turning 32 tomorrow. I will start my day going to mommy and me, then have lunch with Talise at school. Then I will go pick up my cake. Hopefully it will be a good day. On a side note my Clomid dose went up to 150 starting yesterday. My ovaries are so extremely achy, and I have a headache. I hope it works this time. If it doesn't I may stop trying. Now that I am in the throws of trying and Mylie is approaching the terrible two's it is starting to make me question if I really want to do it again. What if the next baby is difficult like Talise was...or worse! I don't think Fernando and I could handle it. Mylie was and still is an amazing baby. Very sweet and smart. I pray that it works and I get another peaceful baby.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I bought a three pack of Clear blue easy. Yesterday afternoon, negative. This morning, negative. I think I ovulated on cd17 and I am on cd28, so I am hoping that it is just too early to show, but just barely hoping. I am no dummy when it comes to this. More than likely I am not pregnant. My hubby is discouraged because of his lack of employment, so that trickles my way. I really want one more baby. REALLY. He says he is gonna help me ween Mylie this month, so hopefully that will increase my odds of conceiving. Well off to Mommy and Me!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Another faint positive. I am buying another test of a different brand. Maybe a digital. Here's how it went down.
I wake up and pee on the stick. I wait two minutes and go look. Barely a second blue line. I go about my business.
Hubby gets up and goes to the restroom. I say hey, take a look at that test for me, it's negative right? He says I see two lines, but it's faint.
This is the same crap that went on last month. I'm on cd27.
I'm buying another test.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Over and over and over. I am exhausted from it. I do not understand why my husband feels that it was OK for me to be a stay at home mom and do everything with minimal help from him. Although, when I asked for help it was given. He was good about stepping up to help before I asked. He did great. Well he's been out of work for a year. A little over a year actually. Before he quit his job I had rearranged my work schedule to work a 32 hour weekend so I could be home with our girls during the week and he could have them the weekend and they wouldn't have to go to a sitter. Well then he quit. He was excited and nervous about staying at home. I still went about my new schedule. We loved it! We both got to spend a lot of time together and with our babies. It was great. Then he started getting resentful that I can support our family. Then it was because I can do it working only two days a week. Then once he brought the girls to work to see one of the Dr.'s and he saw me on down time and me and a co-worker were watching t.v. ~ that nearly pushed him over the edge. He used to work physical labor and long hours and really hard out in the elements. No t.v. for him. I made a good career choice. Most days I am running all day, some days I get to sit for an hour or more. Most days I only eat between pt.s, some days I get to enjoy my food. As long as I pay the bills it should not bother him. It should please him actually. Well now he complains that he feels like he is the only full time parent. I'll admit I do nag about the condition of the house, a sink FULL on dishes with the counter tops covered too. or toys strewn all over the living room. Those are the only rooms I expect him to clean. I do ask him to feed the baby, she nurses off of me constantly, still at 17 months old. It won't kill him to serve up real food and give my nipples a break. Oh and when I get on the computer he really gets upset, or read a book, or watch t.v. He wants me to do all of the child care, cleaning, and providing while he handles the yard and whatever hobby he currently has. So, today he got angry that I am not up getting a shower and rushing to Walmart to buy some sugar. He says to me he is sick of me and is going to leave (yeah, OK ~ how?) Oh and we are NOT gonna have another baby. He threw that in just to try to get a rise outta me. I wouldn't let him see if it affected me or not at this point. My frustration level is through the roof. I tried to talk to him. He only gives smart ass answers. Like bowing to me. I reminded him of how much time he slept instead of doing things with the family when I was the one that stayed at home, he told me he was through talking. I said he hasn't talked ~ his response was well I don't want to listen to you anymore. I just wanna go back to bed. On a side note, I'm on day26 and no period yet. that's good, last cycle I started on day24. Oh, and he's all talk, I'm not really concerned about him leaving, it what he says when he is frustrated.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I had another Progesterone check done yesterday. My level was 6.1 That seems very low considering I was taking Clomid. With Mylie it was usually around 16-18. My doctors nurse seems like a complete fruit loop. I asked her if I should start the Progesterone supplement he prescribed my last cycle since the numbers were so low and she didn't have a clue as to why. I had to explain to her that low progesterone levels may not sustain a pregnancy and if I happened to conceive I would like it to have a fighting chance. She said she would schedule me an appointment with my doctor WEDNESDAY! That is a full week away. If I am gonna start it will happen by then. The only positive I see to that is if I did happen to conceive then that would be my test day. Also, if I am not pregnant he is increasing my dosage for next month. I like it that he is not fooling around. The doctor I had with Mylie made me try two rounds of 50 mgs, two of 100 mgs, and two of 150 mgs before success. I really don't want to wait around. I want to be a surrogate before I am 35 so I need to get this ball rolling. I hope I don't loose it on his inept nurse. My co-worker is struggling with this also. Although I feel truly sorry for her, it is kind of nice to have someone to relate to. All of my other friends and sisters-in-law seem to pop out babies like it is going out of style. It is quite frustrating.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
At least not yet. The spotting turned into the worst period I have ever had. The nurse that called me obviously didn't look at my chart because she told me that the reason that I had started my cycle on cd24 was because I hadn't ovulated. I told her that was not what the nurse had told me on Tuesday. She also couldn't figure out why the dr. had given me progesterone to take until I told her that maybe it was because spotting in early pregnancy can be a sign of low progesterone levels. She agreed. So I took the Clomid again, only this time on days 5-9 and we are now in the baby making phase of the cycle. Even though the dr. says ever other day I think we are gonna go every day on days 12-16, just to cover our bases. This is the worst part of ttc. I am ready for it to be over with.
Friday, August 14, 2009
So I got my Progesterone results back...I ovulated!!!!!! BUT, my levels were only 8.5. Well Wednesday I woke up with mastitis. I felt horrible. My breast was swollen and covered in red splotches that were hot to the touch and by mid afternoon I had a fever. I had to work overnight that night too. YAY! So I saw one of the doctors at work who, thankfully, gave me some antibiotics. One of the perks of working in a hospital. Thursday morning I started spotting. At first it had me really excited because I thought IMPLANTATION! So when I woke up Thursday afternoon I took a test, POSITIVE! It was faint but it was there. Talise, Fernando and my mom all verified it. The spotting continued, going from brownish to pinkish, getting a little heavier. Then we decide to let my mom shoot our BB gun, that was a mistake. She shot me in my ass! Not only did it hurt like hell but I was holding a fresh cup of coffee that I doused myself in trying to get out of her way. I soaked my good bra in coffee, the one that provides the most support for my aching boob. I was pissed! I kept spotting, getting a bit heavier. Friday morning I wake up and test again, it is only cd25, still a faint positive, only a little lighter. I called the doctors office. i don't know if I'm pregnant and losing it, or my uterus needs to get rid of some funk since I've only had one period since I got pregnant with Mylie or what. The doctor had me come in and do a beta test and another progesterone check. He also gave me an RX for Prometrium that I started today. It says to take it everyday for 30 days and he gave me 3 refills. That makes me think that he feels that I am pregnant and I just need some Progesterone to sustain the pregnancy. We'll see. I'm barely hopeful.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Well I took the Progesterone, it didn't work. So I took the Estradiol, it worked. Then on to the Clomid and I had a blood draw done yesterday to see if it worked. I am trying to patiently wait on the doctor's office to call me back, but it isn't easy! I have sore boobies, crampy everyday for about a week now and moody as hell. Of course I am hoping these are all signs of pregnancy, but they could be signs of menstruation too. It SUCKS!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I was SO excited when my doctor gave the the prescriptions for Prometrium and Clomid. He gave me hope with those prescriptions. My hope was let down. No period ever came. I waited for 15 days, and nothing. I got a girl at work to scan me to see if the Prometrium did thicken my endometrium, it did. Still no period. When I spoke to my doctor yesterday he gave me ANOTHER Prometrium prescription and one for Estradiol. I have to take the Estradiol for 21 days and then the Prometrium again. At first sight of blood I stop all meds and count it as day one. I hope this works, we shall see.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Still no sight of it. I've NEVER longed for a period before. Never anxiously awaited one. Can't say that anymore. It has been two full weeks since I stopped taking Premetrium, and still nada. It is quite frustrating. I have been pukey and dizzy and having stomache aches. I am going to call my doctor on Monday. I really don't think it is gonna come while Mylie nurses. She is a total addict. I feel bad about making her give it up. I know that technically she no longer needs it, but it brings her comfort. I like knowing that she come to me for comfort and security. I would also really like to get pregnant again. I've been thinking about becoming a surrogate, but I would like to have one more of my own. So far three agencies are interested in me. Maybe I should do that first and then have another for me. I don't know. I have some serious praying to do. Mean while I wait.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
So to speak. I just finished a round of Premetrium and waiting on my cycle so I can start Clomid again. Hopefully it will work. No sign of a cycle so far. My Dr. says to give it until Wednesday then give him a call if it still doesn't show. I've been looking into possibly being a surrogate also. For after we have another baby of our own. So far no luck due to Alabama laws, but we'll see. On a side note ~ we went on a vacation! What a relaxing trip! We went to Pensacola Beach. It was beautiful. White sands, clear, aqua waters. Our first beach vacation. The girls loved it. Mylie rolled around in to sand and ate a bit. She wasn't afraid of the ocean either. Talise loved it. We've always teased that she is part fish any how. It was pricey though. There was a charge just to walk on the pier! Needless to say we didn't walk. I am cheap that way. Next I want to take the girls to Rock City and Ruby Falls.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Monday morning Fernando had a Dr.'s appointment, just usual, routine stuff. I had to go to the dentist. Well his was first, he got a Rx for me to get filled on my way to the dentist. My appointment went well, although my jaw is STILL hurting. When I arrived at WalMart to pick up his Rx he had two instead of one. I was puzzled to see one was for Synthroid. I assumed the monkeys behind the counter got it wrong, seeing as how intelligent they usually are. I went home to ask my husband about it before I spoke to them though. He meets me outside and sits on the stoop. Nope, it's not wrong. The Dr.'s office called him because his labs were alarming. His cholesterol was elevated (fixable), his thyroid isn't functioning well (fixable), his kidneys are only functioning at 65% (OH SHIT!). My first though - SHUT UP! You are so full of crap! Nope! He's not. Then I start thinking - you cannot live without kidneys. I know none of his family would give up a kidney, they are WAY too selfish for that. I'd do it, but what if I am not a match. I immediately start freaking out, but trying to not let it show so He doesn't freak out and the kids don't worry. They wanted him to do a 24 hour urine catch so Tuesday morning we go to pick that up. I am STILL very stressed out! The lady behind the counter (we'll call her hell witch) Hell Witch smiles to greet us. I tell her why we are there and also that I would like a nurse to explain his lab results to me because I wasn't home when he got them and some details were difficult for him to remember. She tells me to have a seat and another little window will open in about 15 minutes they'll explain the urine catch labs. I said no that's not what I need clarified. Just the labs from yesterday. She still didn't get it, so I said you know what, forget it. Can we just get the urine jug? Then Hell Witch proceeds to roll her eyes, look hateful and take a deep loud breath. She gave me an eat a turd smile and said go have a seat and a lab tech will be right with you. I got angry, but went and sat down. While we were sitting there Hell Witch walks briskly past us to the lab, stands right at the door which is just a couple of feet behind us, and proceeds to tell the lab tech about the patient that just jumped all over her. I get crazy angry and started to cry. So I get up out of my chair and stand at the lab entrance and wait for her to turn around. When she does I start to explain that I am stressed about my husbands labs and was leading to an apology and she just KEPT WALKING! So I ask HELL WITCH to turn around and stop walking since I AM talking to her! I then proceed to tell her witchy butt that she should NOT roll her eyes at patients and SHOULD be able to fake a positive attitude if she doesn't have one. At that point I was still talking BUT HELL WITCH starting taking over me. So when she was finished I asked her her name. She gave me another go eat a turd smile and said HELL WITCH. So at this point a nurse has shown up and called Fernando back. Fernando is calling me, so I round up the girls and he wants me to tell them what was going on. I told them, they apologized and said they would talk to her. I said nope! I want to speak to the office manager. I am still crying, trying to not show them my crazy retard crying face. So far I am holding it together OK. They explain the labs and take us back to speak to the manager. I tell him my story, which opens the flood gates again. After all of this we went to see Up. It was good. It was an emotional movie that made me want to cry some more! I am so worried about my most aggravating husband. I love him. I don't want anything to be wrong with his kidneys. I cannot imagine him not in our lives. My heart is so heavy. I may cry some more.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Summer break has officially started. I had plans to take the girls to the Birmingham zoo tomorrow, IF it doesn't rain. The wonderful weather person has predicted rain all week. Rain is not how I envisioned our first week of summer break. Oh well! So I've got a few things lined up as long as everything goes smoothly. hopefully we will make it to the zoo tomorrow, maybe the movies next week, the beach twice and up to Look Out Mountain, Ruby Falls, and Rock City. I really hope this is a good summer for Talise. the last couple of summers haven't been so great. Last summer I had just had Mylie and the one before that I was working like a lunatic trying desperately to keep our house ~ we didn't. Honestly, we have only had one vacation in our marriage ~ 12 years! Talise is desperate to see the ocean so even if I have to rent a car and it ends up just a day trip that girl is going to the beach! Today we ended up renting movies and taking a nap. Not eventful, but I was pleased. Fernando is getting a little pissy because I want to do this and he wants to do something outside, which is why this is short. i must go!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I love lying outside on my back on the trampoline with Mylie. She likes to bounce around, looking down on me. She seems super human. All toothy grin smiling sweetly down on me. All is right in the world.The sun is shining behind her making her curls glow. Again, super human. I close my eyes momentarily breathing in the sweet smell of flowers blooming in the yard. I look up just in time to see the slap coming, but not in time. SMACK! She is still grinning, drooling. Content with herself. All the while my cheek is burning. How can I be mad? Who can chastise Babyzilla? She has super human capabilities.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
That is exactly how I feel. Fernando frustrated the hell outta me at the pediatricians office today. Talise decided to be his side kick. I thought I was gonna loose it. I am moody as hell lately. My heart is achy for the Freeman family, they lost their sweet baby Kayleigh last night. I cannot imagine what they must be going through. I hope I never come to understand. I miss my friends. I am going back to the mommy and me group tomorrow. I hope to become friends with some of those ladies. Hopefully my sinful ways won't run them off. I am hoping Fernando gets a call back about that application he turned in a couple of weeks ago. Mylie is getting so big. She is just as cute as ever and Talise got three awards on honors day at her school. She got all A honor roll! I am so proud of her.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I tell you, you'd never know that she is 60+ years old. She behaves worse than a child at times. I am so unbelievably angry with her at the moment I could pull my panties up over my head and run the streets screaming like a banshee. What makes it worse is that I cannot discuss my displeasure with her because she would take it out on my children. Talise wants her granny to come over and spend the night tomorrow. Even though at the moment I would rather have my eyelids pierced than have her over, I don't want my child disappointed again so I keep my mouth shut. I really hope I can hold it together tomorrow. She had mentioned giving my husband a riding lawnmower to mow our tremendous lawn. That way field mice don't creep up to where the girls play. Earl, the cave man she lives with, said sure. Well then my husband and my mother get into an argument. She is cussing him and he is disrespectful in return. Although I am sure she'd see it where blame lies ENTIRELY on my husband. She calls me the next day to say she is over it. Great, back to normal.At least that is what she led me to believe. Well today when I am speaking on the phone to her I ask her to bring it. Well, she snips back the Earl isn't going to give the rider mower to Fernando. Earl is angry about how disrespectful Fernando was to my mother! The way she said was like she was totally getting off on it. I was waiting to hear her moan or start deep breathing. I just told her to tell Earl I said thank you, I would expect nothing less from him. I gave the phone to Talise. Talise was dying to talk to her granny. Meanwhile I am about to explode! I wanted to tell her to keep her ass at home. Sometimes it is SO hard to not call her a bitch.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
So coming home from picking Talise up from school I decided to stop at the rock mills. Talise is always asking to stop and usually I say no. I have no idea why I decided to stop today, but I did. So we all get out of the car and are walking on the rocks, on the dry rocks, listening to the water. It was so beautiful and peaceful. Well Talise wants to get her feet wet. Talise, Mylie and I all get off our shoes and gently step into the cold water. Fernando was holding Mylie as she kicked her little feet in the water. I was keeping my eye on Talise. Talise is very brave, too brave. Well she wanted to get completely wet, so she asked me if she could sit on the wet rocks. Sure, I say. I have NO IDEA WHY! I am usually so cautious, I know better. Well she goes sliding across a slick rock. She really liked it. She barely slid and was able to get right off. It made me a little nervous but she seemed to be able to handle it so when she asked me if she could do it again I said OK. Well, she goes sliding, only this time a little faster and a little farther. I am watching my baby, and I am scared. She looks up at me with HUGE eyes, looking terrified. I asked are you OK baby? She shakes her head no as she flips to her tummy trying to get a grip on the slippery rock, she slides a little further. Now she is getting close to a drop off. I am thinking, Oh MY GOSH! WHAT DO I DO? I have NO upper body strength and Talise is almost as big as I am. Fernando was holding Mylie a good ways away from us, I know because I turned quickly to see if he was coming to rescue my baby. He wasn't. I HAD to do it. I come towards her and reach. She's too far away. My stomach is in knots and she is looking really really scared. I lean forward and step forward a little, my foot slides, meanwhile she is slowly inching towards the drop off. Finally I grab her hand. Now I think, I am standing on a slick rock, if she pulls on me we could both go over, I think she knew that because she just pushed with her feet with all her might as I pulled. Praise GOD! He saved my baby! I was able to get her to a dry rock safely. She had dirt and rock bits under her finger nails from trying to grip the rocks and dirty little toes because she was using and little patch of weeds or something to grip with her toes. Once I got her on a dry rock I was kissing her and hugging her. She asked me I took so long. I felt so bad, I don't know why I took so long. I was trying to figure out in my head how to save her. I assured her I would've jumped in after her if I had to, thank goodness I didn't. It was horrible. I thank GOD my family is safe.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I am so unbelievably frustrated and hurt right now I could scream,only I can't because Mylie is sleeping next to me. I am trying not to cry as I type! On a side note, the swine flu woman in Lagrange was my patient. I have no symptoms so I guess I'm good.