Monday, September 28, 2009

My horrible experience yesterday

I have prayed about this, spoke to my husband about it, and it is still really bothering me. I am a x-ray/ct tech.  I was at work yesterday and round the corner to my department and see my co-worker fussing over this lady waiting for her ultrasound. My co-worker looks panicked and there are towels at this ladies feet pink stained.  The lady was standing in front of her wheelchair crying. I ran over to see if I could help and find out what is going on and my co-worker ran back to our desk to call an ob nurse. The lady was 18 weeks pregnant and had been having cramping in her lower abdomen for two days. The ob nurse gets there and has us call the e.r. dr. that sent the lady to ultrasound and tell him to contact the ladies obgyn and tell him she is in early labor.  The e.r. dr. said for us to still get the ladies scan done! Well, the ultrasound tech finally finishes the scan she is working on and we get the lady into the room.  When she stands gushes of fluid rushes out to the floor. She says she feels pressure in her bottom.  We get her on the table and immediately she says something came out. I had to pull her pants down and there was her baby. It wasn't alive. It was SO tiny, perfectly made.  The lady was hysterically crying. It was awful! I had to call down to the e.r. to have her husband brought up and tell the e.r. dr. what had happened. The ob nurse showed the lady her baby, which the lady had asked to see. It was so small it fit inside a washcloth (our makeshift blanket due to limited supplies). When dad got to the department he had no idea why he was there. Thank goodness I didn't have to tell him. I could barely maintain composure. When he came to her, he was crying. I wanted to hug them so badly.  But what good would that do? Later that evening we saw the husband in the lobby. My co-worker asked him how his wife was doing.  He said she's alright, upest.  I told him I was so sorry for his loss.  He thanked us for being there with is wife. When it was all over my co-worker and I had a big cry. Although it was quite sad I think it confirmed that I am in the wrong field, I think I may go to nursing school. I've thought about working in l&d for a while now, this experience makes me want to do it even more.  Then I could provide more comfort for someone dealing with this. It was so horrible.

Friday, September 25, 2009

18 Month Checkup

It's that time again.  Shots for Mylie. I believe this is where they do the autism screening too.  Although I am really not concerned about that.  She shows no signs so far. I am not at all excited about today's visit though. Vaccines. Yes I believe in vaccinating my children.  I work in health care and have seen what can come of not doing so. She does look super cute today.  She is wearing a sundress my mom bought her and it looks great with her complexion. I'll post pictures of that later. On a side note, I watched the Business of Being Born yesterday.  I highly recommend it to all pregnant ladies, or even those that are planning to become pregnant. I will definitely look into a midwife now. I'm not so sure about giving birth at home, but it is definitely something I will consider.  A very informative, touching movie. Now I must go check Talise out of school and get Mylie to her exam.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I am SO done with cake. I made a small cake for my Mommy and Me class. Then I made cupcakes for Talise's class for her birthday. I made a small cake for at home at my mother's request. I bought a cake for myself for my birthday. I bought a cake for Talise's party. Today at Mommy and Me it was K's birthday so guess what B brought...Cake! This is the first time in my life that I can remember that I am fed up with cake. I am also a little fed up with TTC. It's taking over my life again. My husband and I argue about it. Anytime he gets mad at me the first comment is, I don't want anymore kids. Go find someone else to get you pregnant. It hurts. It makes me want to stop. Yet there is still that pull in my heart for a newborn. To feel those little squirms and hear those little sighs and squeaks. Mylie is getting so big. She still nurses and takes a bottle, but she is getting really independent and talking well. She is so smart. She has a double ear infection for three weeks now. She is fed up with antibiotics. We've gone from liquid to chewable, to liquid. We've mixed them in food, drink, forced fed, begged, offered bribes, even allowed her to have some of her daddies super sweet coffee. She'll have none of it. She had to go get a shot. Not fun! She seems to posses super human strength when angry. She had to nurse afterwards and whenever she stopped crying when she looked down and saw the band aid she'd cry some more. Well, to put the icing on the cake, she now has a yeast infection! I pride myself in my girls not getting diaper rashes. Mylie strips herself of her diaper and wanders naked as a jay bird often. She hasn't ever gotten a rash. Well, I can no longer say that. Talise had herself a boyfriend. He came to her party and behaved very well. He snuck in a kiss, on her arm. Five to be exact. She wouldn't let him kiss her face because she is a good girl! That's my girl! She broke up with him on Monday.He cried. She is catching a lot of slack from his buddies, he still likes her. I am trying to teach her how important it is to be nice. How bad rejection feels. I dread it, but I am sure her heart will one day get broken too. I feel so bad for the little guy. And his mom. Oh well.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tomorrow is a sequel

To my sweet sixteen! Yup! I am turning 32 tomorrow. I will start my day going to mommy and me, then have lunch with Talise at school. Then I will go pick up my cake. Hopefully it will be a good day. On a side note my Clomid dose went up to 150 starting yesterday. My ovaries are so extremely achy, and I have a headache. I hope it works this time. If it doesn't I may stop trying. Now that I am in the throws of trying and Mylie is approaching the terrible two's it is starting to make me question if I really want to do it again. What if the next baby is difficult like Talise was...or worse! I don't think Fernando and I could handle it. Mylie was and still is an amazing baby. Very sweet and smart. I pray that it works and I get another peaceful baby.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I bought a three pack of Clear blue easy. Yesterday afternoon, negative. This morning, negative. I think I ovulated on cd17 and I am on cd28, so I am hoping that it is just too early to show, but just barely hoping. I am no dummy when it comes to this. More than likely I am not pregnant. My hubby is discouraged because of his lack of employment, so that trickles my way. I really want one more baby. REALLY. He says he is gonna help me ween Mylie this month, so hopefully that will increase my odds of conceiving. Well off to Mommy and Me!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

This is getting old!

Another faint positive. I am buying another test of a different brand. Maybe a digital. Here's how it went down.
I wake up and pee on the stick. I wait two minutes and go look. Barely a second blue line. I go about my business.
Hubby gets up and goes to the restroom. I say hey, take a look at that test for me, it's negative right? He says I see two lines, but it's faint.
This is the same crap that went on last month. I'm on cd27.
I'm buying another test.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The Same Arguement

Over and over and over. I am exhausted from it. I do not understand why my husband feels that it was OK for me to be a stay at home mom and do everything with minimal help from him. Although, when I asked for help it was given. He was good about stepping up to help before I asked. He did great. Well he's been out of work for a year. A little over a year actually. Before he quit his job I had rearranged my work schedule to work a 32 hour weekend so I could be home with our girls during the week and he could have them the weekend and they wouldn't have to go to a sitter. Well then he quit. He was excited and nervous about staying at home. I still went about my new schedule. We loved it! We both got to spend a lot of time together and with our babies. It was great. Then he started getting resentful that I can support our family. Then it was because I can do it working only two days a week. Then once he brought the girls to work to see one of the Dr.'s and he saw me on down time and me and a co-worker were watching t.v. ~ that nearly pushed him over the edge. He used to work physical labor and long hours and really hard out in the elements. No t.v. for him. I made a good career choice. Most days I am running all day, some days I get to sit for an hour or more. Most days I only eat between pt.s, some days I get to enjoy my food. As long as I pay the bills it should not bother him. It should please him actually. Well now he complains that he feels like he is the only full time parent. I'll admit I do nag about the condition of the house, a sink FULL on dishes with the counter tops covered too. or toys strewn all over the living room. Those are the only rooms I expect him to clean. I do ask him to feed the baby, she nurses off of me constantly, still at 17 months old. It won't kill him to serve up real food and give my nipples a break. Oh and when I get on the computer he really gets upset, or read a book, or watch t.v. He wants me to do all of the child care, cleaning, and providing while he handles the yard and whatever hobby he currently has. So, today he got angry that I am not up getting a shower and rushing to Walmart to buy some sugar. He says to me he is sick of me and is going to leave (yeah, OK ~ how?) Oh and we are NOT gonna have another baby. He threw that in just to try to get a rise outta me. I wouldn't let him see if it affected me or not at this point. My frustration level is through the roof. I tried to talk to him. He only gives smart ass answers. Like bowing to me. I reminded him of how much time he slept instead of doing things with the family when I was the one that stayed at home, he told me he was through talking. I said he hasn't talked ~ his response was well I don't want to listen to you anymore. I just wanna go back to bed. On a side note, I'm on day26 and no period yet. that's good, last cycle I started on day24. Oh, and he's all talk, I'm not really concerned about him leaving, it what he says when he is frustrated.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

So we wait

I had another Progesterone check done yesterday. My level was 6.1 That seems very low considering I was taking Clomid. With Mylie it was usually around 16-18. My doctors nurse seems like a complete fruit loop. I asked her if I should start the Progesterone supplement he prescribed my last cycle since the numbers were so low and she didn't have a clue as to why. I had to explain to her that low progesterone levels may not sustain a pregnancy and if I happened to conceive I would like it to have a fighting chance. She said she would schedule me an appointment with my doctor WEDNESDAY! That is a full week away. If I am gonna start it will happen by then. The only positive I see to that is if I did happen to conceive then that would be my test day. Also, if I am not pregnant he is increasing my dosage for next month. I like it that he is not fooling around. The doctor I had with Mylie made me try two rounds of 50 mgs, two of 100 mgs, and two of 150 mgs before success. I really don't want to wait around. I want to be a surrogate before I am 35 so I need to get this ball rolling. I hope I don't loose it on his inept nurse. My co-worker is struggling with this also. Although I feel truly sorry for her, it is kind of nice to have someone to relate to. All of my other friends and sisters-in-law seem to pop out babies like it is going out of style. It is quite frustrating.