Thursday, April 30, 2009


I am so unbelievably frustrated and hurt right now I could scream,only I can't because Mylie is sleeping next to me. I am trying not to cry as I type! On a side note, the swine flu woman in Lagrange was my patient. I have no symptoms so I guess I'm good.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Where did my sweet baby go?

She only sometimes shows up. Most of the time I see a moody toddler. One who hollers when told no, slaps and bites when frustrated and goes limp when being redirected out of the bathroom or Talise's room. It's tough letting her self wean on the nursing when she bites whenever she feels like it. I want to let her continue because it is her only security vice. She doesn't take a paci, she doesn't have a blankie or special doll or bear. Just me. Well my boob, or boose as she calls it. I like that she needs me. But it is tormenting when she bites and cries because she wants it but I am scared to give it to her because of nipple tenderness. Hmm, it's a tough call.
Talise is doing well. I feel like Fernando has been picking on her. It really bugs me. I am trying to not nag him about it but lead by example. That is taking a lot out of me because it seems like as soon as she steps foot in the van after school he starts. If it's not about her then it will be about on of her friends, or why she is friends with certain people. He just doesn't understand what he is doing. It saddens me and makes me angry all at once.
I am trying the love dare with him. VERY difficult! Yesterday, day one, wasn't bad. Today has been. Kindness is difficult to give when it is not being received. Also when you feel as though you are being pulled in three directions at once or having to referee it is also tough to remember to be kind.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

How much I love thee

I love the silly faces you make and how you'll do just about anything to make me smile. I love how you defend me. I love the freckles sprinkled gently over the bridge of your nose. I love looking into your bright blue eyes. I love your giving spirit. I love your love of animals. I love your eagerness to make me proud, and you do sweetheart. I love the way you look after your baby sister. I love the warm smooth feeling of the palm of your hands. I love when you let me hold you in my lap. I love your sense of humor. I love that you ALWAYS remember to kiss me goodnight. I love that you call me at work you to ask Whatcha doin? I love that you are a thinker. I love that you try to help others. I love your sense of style and how pretty you look in dark lip gloss. I love the way you own up to whatever it is you do.

I love that you wake up happy and smiling. I love the way you smile so hard your little eyes almost disappear. I love the way you giggle and grin when you see my breast waiting to nurse. I love the way you rub my tummy while you nurse. I love the way you toddle off as quickly as you can when you get busted. I love the way you lean in to kiss me. I love the way you hug and kiss your babies. I love the way you say kit kit while you pet the cat. I love the way you scrunch up your nose when you sniff something. I love the way your crawl up onto your daddy's tummy to fall asleep. I love the way your face lights up when your sister gets home from school. I love the way you lay your had on someone and gently pat them. I love the way you raise your arm up when I ask Who's my sweet girl? or Who's the prettiest girl in Roanoke? or when daddy asks Who's the champion of the world?