Tuesday, October 23, 2012

What a life!

Little Miss Bree is such a sweet baby. She is doted on by everyone in our family. Even Bronson has come around and started kissing her little head. She has finally started to enjoy her bath. Even though she is a tiny thing still, she really like her baby bath tub. It has a mesh sling that she lays in that dips into the warm water. She is so small and her little bottom is so sensitive she has a rash on it that just won't go away. I have taken her to the pediatrician about it. They say it is because her skin is so thin from being so tiny. So we now have a new diaper changing regimen for the queen. We now use warm water and a wash cloth to wipe her bum, we use the hair dryer to blow her bottom dry then apply two layers of two different diaper creams on her tush. She loves such lavish treatment. Once that hair dryer comes on she goes to mush. She just soaks it in and nearly every time she gets so relaxed she either pees or poops one more time during the dry off. We have also been giving her oatmeal baths at night. She just hangs out, relaxing while having warm water poured over her. Once out of the tub we give her a baby massage with cream oil, blow her bottom dry (twice usually) and get her in cozy pajamas. Once she eats that baby girl is in a comatose state! She will literally lay limp staring off into space for a while before falling asleep. It's so funny to us because she is quite the wiggle tail otherwise. She makes a lot of people nervous with her constant motion.
I mentioned before that Bronson has started to kiss Bree. Well, the green eyed monster has reared it's ugly head as well. Yesterday, while getting dressed, Bronson was playing quietly in my room. I'm doing my thing and I hear Bree, who was asleep in her mamaroo, start screaming. I poke my head out the door and see my sweet little fella smacking the tar out of Bree's little head over and over! I ran over and put his butt in his room and locked the gate! That poor little girl was sleeping away and got woken up by being smacked in the darn head! She was covered in toys too. Needless to say, he now either gets locked in whatever room I am in with me, or in his room with the baby gate locked. I figured it was just a matter of time. He is so much calmer than my other girls were I had my fingers crossed jealousy would peek much later on. Maybe it still will. Maybe that was just the beginning rather than the peak. I sure hope not. Other than the one smack down, Bree has a darn good life I think. I never though I'd be blowing my child's bum dry about 10 times a day, but you do what you've got to do to have a healthy happy queen!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

One Month!

My sweet little snuggle muffin is one month old. It has been quite an adjustment. We are all adapting well though. She is such a sweet girl. She is more alert and seems happy except for during diaper changes and when she's hungry. Bryan, who swears he loves all the kids equally, has started to kiss and love on her a lot more often. She lays in bed with me at night to nurse while we watch television. He leans over and rubs her head or belly and kisses her little head. She will just stare at him. He's slowly building confidence caring for her. He has to just move a bit quicker when changing her diapers. He still takes a while and she gets crazy mad.  She has finally gotten big enough for me to feel comfortable giving her a bath in her baby tub. I still held her with one hand the entire time. She liked her tub better than bathing in the big tub with me. All her siblings are still doting on her a lot. Bronson has even started to touch her tiny feet and kiss her on the head. Her cousins seem smitten as well. It is sweet. Her features have softened, but she still looks like her daddy. She is MY girl though. I can settle her the fastest and at night she can just lay close to me and drift off with out her paci or nursing. I know it's because I am her momma, her food source, and she lived within me. It still feels so special to know I am her ticket. She has gained a total of 1 pound 3 ounces and grew 2 whole inches! She is finally starting to fit into her newborn clothes. She blows through diapers like a machine! I am down to my last box of newborn diapers. I had bought 3 boxes of 96, plus 3 small packs and she went through two hospital packs and a pack of preemie's. She is nursing well too, although sometimes she will nurse off of both sides and then still take an ounce or two of formula. It's crazy because I worried so much while pregnant with her. I worried about how she'd look, if she'd fit in with my other kids, how Bryan would treat her. I worried if I'd love her the same, if I'd like another girl after having Bronson. Well, she's turned out beautiful. My kids adore her so far. I hope she will resemble them more as she grows. Bryan does treat her differently. I have to talk to him about it a lot. He tends to try to punish my kids by saying they can't hold or kiss Bree. That is not allowed! I want them all bonded to each other equally, no outsiders! He is much more affectionate with Bree, I knew that would happen though. I feel it would be un-natural if he wasn't. I hope he will be more conscious of it and start being more affectionate with all the others. I do love Bree the same as my other children. Even after having my sweet boy. He still has a special place in my heart though. Those big blue eyes and precious smile will always make me mush! He is my sweet fella, that will never change. Bree is just as special to me. She is a wonderful addition to our family.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I Should Be Napping

I really should just close my eyes and rest. I have had such a good day today that I just cannot do it. My girls are back in school. No fighting in the house this afternoon. My son is well again. Bronson, Bree and I went for our walk. It was so nice out. Fall is in the air. Bree snuggled up close and slept, Bronson did his usual talking to the barking dogs and pointing out flowers, insects and animals. I listened and breathed. That is it. Is was so peaceful and relaxing. I have had lunch. Bree has been changed and fed. Bronson was changed, he fell asleep on the way home. Bree is asleep now. I've got the windows open and the ceiling fans on. I am curled up on the sofa, cozy under my daughter's fleece blanket. It is a great day. The only thing that could make it better would be to have my husband home and to have a pumpkin spice latte spiked with something good. This is the first really good day I have had in a while. I think I was deficient in some of my vitamins. I've increased my prenatals to twice a day, started back on my Magnesium and have actually remembered my iron supplements every day last week. Since doing so my headaches have gone away or been extremely mild. I have not felt overwhelmed at all today. Hopefully I didn't just cursed myself by saying that.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Losing it

The weight that is, heck, my mind too! I can only do minimal exercise at this point post partem. I do what I am able to though. Slowly I see my body coming back. Flabby, but I cannot tone just yet. Maybe it's only slowly to me. Bree was 3 weeks old Saturday. My fat girl, pre-pregnancy pants fit perfect straight from the dryer, after about 20 minutes of wearing them they are baggy. I have serious muffin top in my normal jeans though. I won't be sporting those for a bit. Here's a few wonderful bathroom self portraits of my progress.
The day I went into labor. About 12 hours before she was born.

11 days post partem.

23 days post partem, a fine looking fella and sliver of a beautiful girl trying to get away with the tooth brushes.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Spread Thin

I have good children. Not perfect, but good. Even so I have been feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. Tested, thoroughly, by each of them in their own way. I really thought that having a fourth wouldn't be a big change. I basically raised Bronson alone from the moment he was born. Mylie had just turned two and was very difficult. She was mean to Bronson. She'd hit, slap and scream in his face every chance she got. Maybe because I was free from my ex husband, or because I was preoccupied with the divorce, but it seemed pretty easy. Not all days were wonderful, but the transition from two to three just happened easily. Bronson was an easy baby too though. Bree is a good baby. She had me worried at first because she had a difficult start with nursing, but we've since worked that out. For some reason this time is different. I feel as if I am treading water. Not depressed, just pulled in every direction. Someone always needs something from me. I really want my husband to anticipate my needs more. Jump in and offer more parenting help. I've told him this but he doesn't seem to really get it. He cleans, picks up food, does what ever chore I ask. The thing is, I would rather do the chores just so I can get into my head and ignore the demands of me. During the week the babies and I go for walks. They are the best part of my day. Bree falls asleep nestled against my heart in her Moby wrap. Bronson sits happily in his stroller listening to the birds chirp, pointing out squirrels and babbling away. It is peaceful. We all enjoy it. Since bringing Bree home, Bronson has quit napping until we go to pick up Mylie. He used to nap around 1:00 or so. Now he's up until we leave to get his sister. He sleeps in the car, and sometimes for an hour or so once we are home. This means I do not get a break all day long. No breaks ever. I try to clean when Bree sleeps. I play with Bronson as often as possible. We cuddle a lot. He still punishes me when I am doing something I have to do, like feeding his sister. He'll get into what ever he knows he shouldn't and watch me while he does it. I've corrected him more in these last two weeks than I have ever had to.  It is exhausting. It makes me feel like dirt. I love him with every part of me. Mylie is still being amazing with her sister. She is so in love with Bree and so proud to have a little sister. Talise has been extremely mouthy, argumentative, and unpleasant to be around. She still helps me a lot, but usually complains loudly about doing so.  I try to show her appreciation and be patient with her, but honestly I have lost my temper more than once and yelled.  I don't think she realizes what a stresser it is for me when she doles out the attitude. I already cannot win with my husband. Every weekend we tip toe around the house trying to let him sleep even though I am up multiple times a night. So far, he's stormed out of the bedroom fussing about us being loud each time. If I turn on the night light to change Bree, it's a problem. If I take her out of the bedroom to change her, I'll wake the other kids, so that is also a problem. Every time I've asked for help he's done it, after either running his mouth, rolling his eyes or exhaling loudly. When I just do everything and complain about hurting from doing it he comes back with " Stop! Just tell me what you need and I'll help you." No, really he whines first. I cannot stand it.  He usually thinks about what he's said or done and tries to make it up to me, but it has gotten old.  So I am feeling overwhelmed. Rather than feeling blissful about not being pregnant any longer, or my sweet newborns snuggles, I feel as though I am stretched so tight just one more pull and I'll break. I want to be able to relax a bit, take a nap, not feel so inadequate and insecure, soak up my new baby, be blissfully happy. I want to not cringe at all the noise my kids playing makes. I 'm sure most of this is still hormones, baby blues or what ever, but I'm ready to be past it.