Such An Emotional Gal

Oh Holy Hormones!!! I had a doctors appointment today.  It was my 36 week check up. I had to fight rage and tears the entire time I was there.  Why, you ask? I have NO IDEA! I had absolutely no reason to be upset at all. Nada. Yet there I was, stumbling over my words, fighting back tears, feeling extremely foolish, which only made the tear fight even harder. My sweet doctor smiled and spoke gently, then I slipped up. I accidentally said tootie. TOOTIE! I am sure my face was beet red. I apologized for using such technical terms and he laughed it off. He is so patient and kind. He made me feel much better and by the time I left I was actually happy. I asked his nurse to mention to him that I have been contracting and am miserable and to please check my cervix.  I have to know that it is making a difference to make it more bearable. He did. I am currently dilated 2 Cm's. Not much, but I'll take it. I reminded him about a possible induction and that the 12th of June is on a Saturday. That is when I will be 39 weeks. I expressed how important it is to me that he be the guy to deliver and he said sure, we'll just bump it up to the 10th. He said as of now my cervix is definitely inducible, he just wants to let him grow and his lungs mature more.  Not at all a problem. It is just SO nice to have a definite end if I don't go into labor before then. He did reduce my hours at work TO EIGHT HOUR DAYS INSTEAD OF SIXTEEN.  i WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HOW MY SUPERVISOR WOULD REACT TO THAT SINCE WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIG MOVE. He WAS ACTUALLY GREAT ABOUT IT. aLSO, THIS COMING WEEKEND WILL BE MY LAST ONE BEFORE i HAVE Bronson.  i DIDN'T WANT Fernando TO HAVE TO BE HOME THE WEEKEND, THEN HAVE TO COME HOME EARLY FOR THE INDUCTION AND END UP MISSING AN ENTIRE WEEK OF WORK. SO THAT WAY I'll HAVE TIME TO REST AND HE CAN GET SOME RUNS IN BEFORE d- Day.  i GUESS THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP! hOPEFULLY i CAN KEEP MY EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL UNTIL 6/10/10. oNE POSITIVE TO ME BEING AN EMOTIONAL MESS, THE GIRLS HAVE BEEN GREAT.  tALISE ESPECIALLY, she HAS BEEN DOING WHATEVER SHE CAN TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR ME SO i DON'T FLIP OUT!

Oh Sweet Baby

Mylie is acting less and less like a baby. She wants to do for herself and won't take no for an answer. She amazes me at what she can already do and knows. I guess it's because she has Talise to look up to.  She seems to know so much more than Talise did at that age. Of course, with Talise being my oldest she was treated quite differently. I overlooked a lot of things I shouldn't have because I thought she didn't know any better because she was a baby.  I also didn't try to teach her to pick up after herself or go get her own things for the same reason. Mylie is on the ball though. She will go get her own night clothes after her bath and put them on herself.  She brushes her own teeth and does rather well. She will go open the refrigerator and get her own juice or water bottle and she can pick out her own snack. It may seem silly, but it amazes me. She acts so big! It saddens me at the same time. She's growing up and won't need me for much longer.  

This weekend I got to take a peek at Bronson again. Oh. MY. Goodness.  Is he cute! The tech got a wonderful shot of his face and we just sat and watched him for a good 10 minutes. He was sticking out his tongue, sucking on his hand, smacking and just doing cute baby things. He appears to have chubby little cheeks and full lips like his daddy. I really hope he looks like my husband.  He was such a cute baby, and quite a handsome man if you ask me! Seeing his sweet little face made my discomfort all worth it. I can't wait to snuggle up to him and kiss those chubby cheeks. Now that I am all weepy I must stop so I can go blow my nose.  Sniff, sniff.

Play date!

Mylie had her first ever play date at our house yesterday. She had a blast. It took a little getting used to sharing her toys, but after about thirty minutes or so she was fine. They played inside for a while then Talise  suggested they go outside to play. They ran around chasing the cat, jumped on the trampoline, played ball, and took turns riding with Talise on her scooter. They ate many snacks, drank juice and had Popsicles. When it was over everyone involved was exhausted.  The girls played so well together. It was a great day.

Big and Miserable

Friday was my last day of bed rest.  after a week of worry  I decided that I was gonna walk! I went to Wal Mart, came home and baked, washed dishes and did laundry.  I felt wonderful the entire time. Not one contraction. NADA! So, I went to work this weekend. We were slammed.  I think it was the busiest it's been since I've been there. I took the stairs as often as possible and walked a lot. By Sunday I was achy, but no contractions! Last night I was up 4 times between 11:00 p.m. and 6:15 a.m. to go potty. I think he has dropped.  I wore loose socks to work and my legs were swollen over the tops of them. Today has been no fun. WORE OUT! I have been struggling to not waddle. I am exhausted and sore, and now am all crampy. I go to the doctor in the morning. I bet he'll tell me Bronson is still floating. I think I ticked the little guy off not letting him out when he wanted to come. He'll probably camp out in me forever! Up until this weekend I have not been tired of being pregnant. Now I not quite as thrilled about it. If I wasn't so nervous about having a toddler and a newborn I be guzzling Castor Oil!

Shower Time

Looking at these pictures still blows my mind. I cannot believe I am carrying a boy. He got some super cute things yesterday at the baby shower my dear Mommy and Me friends threw for me. The food was delicious, sorry I forgot to take a picture of it. The company was great. Everyone was so sweet, and for just three other people Bronson racked up.

Bed what?

Since being on bed rest I am more exhausted than ever! Besides all the extra water I have to drink, which is causing about four times as many bathroom breaks as usual, I think the stress is keeping me up. I know to hand it over to God, HE has never let me down. I, however, have a very hard time doing that. Last night I got up every hour and a half to pee, and then I would lay in bed and count contractions, and worry. I keep dreaming different scenarios where my water breaks.  I have to pack up my toiletries, put in something for me to wear home, grab Mylie's diapers and a bottle and decide can I drive myself or call someone. Who to call? One friend has kids asleep, the other may be at work, if I am not hurting could I make it to the hospital? Would contractions pick up and Talise end up having to deliver her brother? She could do it. She does really well with emergencies. Do I want her to? Heck no! Finally, I'd drift back off to sleep, only to wake up to go pee again and start the process all over. Is it helpful? NOPE! Total waste of time and sleep as I am worn out right now.  I still have at least three hours before nap time! I have read through my pregnancy guide a ton of times. I have referred to Dr. Google too. I have actually felt a bit better after reading up about it online. I feel extremely foolish as this is my third pregnancy, but it's the first time I've dealt with preterm labor. The girls have grown quite grumpy with me. Talise is helping, but is starting to grumble about it.  They are taking advantage of the fact that I am not supposed to chase after them, little stinkers. Talise is worried too though. I can tell.  She asks lots of questions about what if I had Bronson now? Could he breathe? Could he eat? Could we take him home?  Would he live? I try to assure her everything will be fine. I thank her often for her help, even when she is quite grumpy about it. So between the constant trips to the potty, worrying, the girls bickering and Talise grumbling, I am beat!

Outpouring of Love

Since moving out here to the middle of nowhere I have often felt alone. The one close friend I had kinda lost her way and we are no longer speaking and I don't have anyone besides my husband that I feel truly close to. I decided to try a church, While there I was made aware of Mommy and Me. I started going. It was a big step for me as I am reserved by nature. The ladies were great, They were warm and welcoming. I enjoy attending when I am able to. I still don't feel especially close to them, but feel like with time I could be, Since all this going on with Bronson people have come out of the woodwork. I think that is the saying. Co-workers or people that I thought were merely co-workers have offered help.  People that I thought were old friends that I was no longer true friends with have come out to offer help. When I was in labor and delivery, scared for my baby, alone, my husband had to try to find a ride to get to me. My friends husband, whom he had never met, offered a ride without hesitation.  I am amazed by it all. So many have offered up their assistance. Just this evening a couple of wonderful ladies from Mommy and Me took the time to prepare dinner and dessert and brought it over. Plus they brought flowers! How thoughtful is that? Turns out I am not so alone after all. Several sweet people surround me and my family. God has been showing his love for my family through these amazing people. We are so blessed. I love all my friends. I appreciate just knowing that they care, that me and my family matter to them. I am amazed.

Weekend Adventures

Last weekend was uncomfortable to say the least, so I mentioned it to my doctor at my check-up last Wednesday.  He wasn't concerned as I was ok then. Thursday I cleaned house, really, really cleaned. Nesting I think.  I started cramping and feeling pukey and had to take a break a few times. When I took a break I'd either eat a pear or drink something.  I felt better. Friday i went to run some more getting ready for Bronson errands and decided to get Mylie a toddler bed. It was probably heavier than I should be lifting, bu it's only me so what could I do. I know I could wait, but that is NOT me! While I was checking out I started feeling hot and really nauseated. When I got home I layed down for a while and felt better. Later that night I started cramping a lot. I thought nothing of it since my doctor wasn't concerned before. I did get quite grumpy and had a horrible time trying to sleep though. When I got to work the next morning I felt ok. Then I started eating breakfast. Not the best idea.  I put it to the side and went about my business.  I had to go do some portables. While pushing the machine things started going downhill. I felt very queesy. Then I got light headed, I had to squat against the wall for a while. When I got back to the department I sat down for a bit and was cramping a lot. They hurt. Then I had to throw up. Still cramping only worse. I called up to labor and delivery and they told me to come up to be checked out. I really thought I was over reacting. Unfortunately, I wasn't. They gave me a shot of terbutaline.  Nothing, In fact my cervix changed. Second shot.  Whoa! I felt like I was going to pass out.  I got instantly hot, sweating like mad. The room was spinning and everything sounded far away.  They said it was from the medicine. Eventually it faded. Still having contractions so I got a third shot.  An hour later I am still having contractions but no change in my cervix. They gave me procardia. Didn't help, still having contractions. Four hours later, a stronger dose of it. It helped. I had to stay over night though because as soon as it started wearing off I would start contracting again. I had to miss a does because the Procardia was causing my blood pressure to drop too low, 92/56. I got discharged today on bed rest and Procardia every 6 hours and was told do NOT miss a dose. I have to set my alarm clock to be sure I get it on time every time. I have to back to the doctor this week and hopefully can go back to work next week.  My doctor wasn't on call one of his partners was.  He said that at 35 weeks he wouldn't stop labor if it started, but I don't know how my doctor feel about it. I guess I'll find out this week sometime. That was scary. I hope to keep him cooking for at least 4 more weeks.

Getting there

Bronson could be here in as little as 2 weeks, or as long as 5 weeks. FIVE WEEKS is NOT a long time! I know it seems silly, but I am not ready for Mylie to not be the baby. She is such a sweet girl. Even when she asserts her independence she is soft about it. I just love her. I know that won't change, I just hope I am not worn too thin. I bought her big girl bed today. She picked it out and is very excited about it. When her daddy gets home I am going to get him to put it together for me. I am debating on throwing out her diapers too. I don't want too much for her at once. She uses the potty whenever she wants to. She's even pooped in the potty. I just don't want her to go from my baby to no boobs, no co-sleeping, no diapers and new baby all on top of each other. The idea of a boy is odd to me too. I haven't ever been overly fond of boys. It's not that I don't like them. I just don't relate to them. Honestly, I don't want a little wimpy, pansy boy. Fernando isn't much into sports, although he does know about soccer. Not that sports make a man.  Fernando is definitely a man, a darn good man.  I just have a very low tolerance for a whiny little guy. My girls are pretty tough. I have always been told that boys love their mommas and that mom's have a special place in their hearts for boys, so how would I keep him from being whiny? I ADORE my girls. There is no way I could love them any more. I am a lunatic mom. I am crazy protective and on top of things. I know I will be the same way with my son, and if not isn't that doing him an injustice? Wouldn't me being harder on him be unfair?  It's bad enough the poor little guy has me, Talise, and Mylie to deal with. Right now Mylie is the lowest on the totem pole.  I am sure she will take to bossing him around like Talise does her. She will finally be bigger, at least for a while.  Everything will be fine.  I know it will. I am sure mom's that have boys then all of a sudden have a girl on the way feel the same way. I guess it's the unknown that gets to me. I know I can't wait to breathe in that sweet new baby smell and feel him melt into me. Baby grunts are the best!

33 weeks

I had my 33 week appointment today. It went well. I gained two pounds. Not bad. The doctor took a couple minutes to find Bronson's heart beat, but I wasn't worried because he had just been wiggling up a storm. My blood pressure was great and everything measured right. He actually pulled out the measuring tape this time. He said the group b strep test will be either next visit or at 36  weeks. I go back in two weeks, then on to weekly appointments.  I told him about this past weekend at work.  He said as long as I am OK now not to worry. So I'm not worrying. I brought them doughnuts. I felt like a celebrity. They really made a fuss over it. I know when I worked in a doctors office we always liked it when patients brought in food. It's a nice treat. On a side note, I am feeling more prepared to meet this little guy. I am not rushing anything though. I am happy to wait it out for at least 5 more weeks. I do have the car seat ready, the bassinet cleaned, most of the supplies I need, and plenty of clothes for him. I still want a monitor, and a bouncy seat, but that's it. I bought him a mobile, but I may take it back to get a bouncy seat instead.  He is gonna be in a bassinet for as long as possible so by the time he is in a crib he may be too big for a mobile. I'll discuss it with Fernando.

No more Tooth Fairy

My oldest child is quite inquisitive. If you want to call it that. She is into everything.  She always has been. She wants to know why for everything. It is most often a good thing because she is very smart. It can also cause problems though. Today is a problem day. I am camped out on the couch due to some cramping I am having so she took that as an invitation to snoop. She went through my jewelry cabinet. I keep things in there that are important. Among those things are her baby teeth. She came into the living room carrying a little plastic tooth with her two incisors in it. She kept pestering me about why I had teeth, whose they were, why did they look like hers. So I gave up. I told her I was the tooth fairy. Then she got mad.  She wanted to know if her dad knew that I was tricking her. I tried to explain that we did it to add to the magic of child hood.  She got more angry, started stomping around and yelling. I sent her to her room.I explained the importance of minding one's own business and not looking through other people things.  She is just mad. I really hate it. What else could I do. She is 9 1/2  after all.

Exhaustion

Tired is not a strong enough word. I really don't even think exhausted is. I am barely functional. Work was busy this weekend. really busy. I started off fine. then the braxton hicks started. that's fine i am used to it at work. i am on my feet a lot. after a couple more hours my lower back started aching, a pulsing ache. then menstrual type cramping. at this point i started to worry. i just kept drinking fluids and tried to sit as often as possible. sitting didn't help. at all. in fact, i started getting a shooting pain in my cervix.  the kind of pain that peaks, contraction type pain. i started to really worry. the shooting pains kept coming on more frequently. the more patients i went after the worse they were.  it got to the point I'd have to stop walking and breathe through them. i called upstairs and spoke to a labor and delivery nurse. i was advised to take tylenol and lay down. sure, i still had an hour to work. i did take the tylenol and sit. the contraction type cramping kept on coming. i left work and got in a warm shower, just in case. the shower did not ease the cramps.  I went straight to bed and layed on my left side. after a couple of hours  i fell asleep. When i woke up Sunday morning i felt some pressure but that is it. i went to work and within a couple of hours it all came back.  Sunday wasn't as busy so it didn't get too bad, thank goodness. today i have been wore out. i called Dr. B's nurse and she told me to definitely mention it to the Dr. on Wednesday when i go in.  she said i may have to cut back my hours at work. i really don't want to have to do that, especially if it cuts into my fmla. i want to stay out with Bronson as long as possible. hopefully it won't come to that. when i did go out this after noon the cramping came back again though. i guess I'll have to wait and see.