Friday, December 31, 2010

End of this year

This year has been an interesting one. My life has changed in so much in so many ways. I put Fernando through school. He finally got a job after being unemployed for two years. I had pre-term labor and then had to be induced into labor with my amazing son. I had my first boy. My husband left our family. I survived. I continue surviving. It may seem trivial but I got into my first and hopefully last argument with an dear friend. I was able to buy my mom jewelry for Christmas for the first time, that made me very proud of myself. I bought my dad a Christmas present for the first time in many,many years. This was the first year we did not have a big Christmas dinner. This year I learned just how special my Mommy and Me ladies are. Truly precious and kind, amazing women. Talise has stepped up and become such a wonderful daughter. She still gets an attitude but she has gotten to a point that if she sees that her brother or sister need something she just handles it. Makes me so proud. 2010 has been something else. Can't wait to see what the rabbit has in store for my family.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Santa came! Santa came!

Here's Bronson's loot. I think he must have been a really good boy.

He LOVED his cars, links and glow worm the best!
 Can you tell he just woke up?

My favorite photo of him enjoying his new toys.

Isn't that the sweetest little grin ever?

Here is Mylie's loot.

Her doll is most definitely her favorite. She was excited to see it and hasn't put it down much at all.

She named her Annie. That is a big deal. Only one other doll of hers has a name, all others are baby.

Here is Talise's loot.

She likes her Nintendo DS XL the best. She also was happy about new bedding, curtains and wall decor for her room. She says her room now looks like a teenagers. That is her goal. To look as grown as possible. We had a great day.They made out like bandits. Granny even caught Santa and snapped a picture.

To top that off, if anything could be better, it snowed! Our first ever white Christmas. We are so very blessed.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I am filled with anticipation. I cannot wait to see what Santa brings for my sweet babes. I, unfortunately, have to work tonight. I will be home by 7 though and I am working with a friend, so that's not so bad. The girls and I made reindeer food and the girls went out and sprinkled it on the lawn. They've been tracking Santa online. They are already in bed. We've been watching Eight Crazy Nights and enjoying each other. It has been a pleasant day. Talise gave her elf a gift, some lifesavers and a Littlest Pet shop toy. I really look forward to tomorrow. My aunt is supposed to come down and my mom is already here. It will be lovely.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


I am SO stoked about Christmas. This year is the first year ever that I have been able to buy my mom jewelry. I was SO excited about it I could barely contain myself. I gave it to her the first weekend in December. She loved it so much that she had to wear it right away. That made my heart smile.  All my father wanted was two old John Wayne movies. We just recently re-connected after 9 years of not speaking. I don't think I have ever gotten him a Christmas present. He mentioned to me while on the phone that he left my brother a voice mail asking for the movies since he hasn't ever bought a present for my father either. I immediately ordered them with two day shipping so he should have gotten them yesterday. He was surprised and very grateful that I would do that. He asked my brother because my brother is much better off than I am right now. I am just so pleased that I CAN buy gifts this year. I mean, besides for my kids. I already left my babes open their presents from each other and from me.
 I even got my mail lady a gift. I cannot wait for her to see it. I got her some Godiva chocolates and a travel coffee mug. She is the best. Such a sweet lady. I took some more holiday photo's of my favorite little man for your viewing pleasure.

Look at the cute little booty in the background! So sweet! Merry Christmas to all my blog friends! I love you all!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Six months

Life needs a pause button. This is just flying by. It's not fair! Bronson turned six  months old last Friday, December 10, 2010. I tried real hard to get pictures of him. Those darn teeth prevented that from happening though. Those teeth are right there, just under the surface. I can see an outline, they just won't pop through. My poor guy is having trouble sleeping because of those teeth. He's also got a terrible rash on his lower belly and around his boy parts. I am taking him to the doctor in the morning. I need to see if there is anything else that is keeping him miserable. His sweet little face just looks sickly, even when he smiles. He's almost got the roll from back to belly thing down. He's sitting up well, but still assisted. He is eating like a champ! He loves being sung to, hearing new words and for you to whisper in his ear. He thinks it is incredibly funny to let his head dangle down. Like when he's laying on my lap on his back with his fat little legs up my chest and his head hanging down the front of my knees. He giggles like a mad man. He has a favorite toy, a baby sized stuffed bear. He loves it. He will squeeze, cuddle and chew on it.Bronson also loves being naked. Because of  his rash I have been letting him lay around diaper less a bit. I looked over at him and he on his back, watching the t.v.,legs all sprawled out just chillin. Too cute.  I've also been using the blow dryer on low to dry him off after bath and diaper changes. Another win. He was so into it. As soon as I turned it off he whimpered! Little stinker! I think he is already training me. My mother swears it. I can't help it though, he's super cute and so squishy and kissable. I've just got to hold and kiss him all the time. Six months have flew by, but they have been an amazing blessing, full of love, cuddles, giggles and grins. I cannot wait to see what the next six bring. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy Bronson. I am unworthy, but truly honored. I love you bigger than the world!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Putting the Smack Down

I often refer to Mylie as my sweet little angel. She'll agree and say yes, I sweet angel. However, lately this has not been the case. She has been a very busy girl. She is also quite demanding and feels she must talk back. My mother cannot stand it. She sat me down and had a talk with me. She said I had to step up to the plate.Whether I like it or not I must be harder on my angel because she is becoming a brat. My mother no longer wants to be the bad guy. I have tolerated a lot more than I should because she is a baby. She's only been on this planet for 2 years and 8 months. I tried for over five years to have her. She is my sweet sugar dumpling. She was such a sweet little girl until Bronson arrived. I think that is another reason I choose to overlook a lot. I know she is jealous and acting out from having to share the spot light. Well, I listened to my mother as any good daughter would do. It has not been easy. I really do not enjoy getting on to her. She has been behaving much better though.  She is starting to understand that I am the boss and I mean business. Talise is happy because she felt like I loved Mylie more since I let her get away with so much. My mom is happy because if I get Mylie in line then she can go back to being fun granny instead of the disciplinarian granny. I really am not having fun with this, but I guess it has to be done. So, I've put the smack down.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


I just love Christmas. As a kid it was all about the gifts. Now I really enjoying giving gifts. I am so pleased to know that I made someone smile. I truly enjoy teaching my children about giving. I like to let them out money in the Salvation Army bucket. They get a real kick out of doing it too! I love putting together goody  bags for Talise 's class. All the lights and pretty decorations are so much fun. Each year we attempt a Santa picture. We have not been successful since Talise was about 2! We have not attempted yet this year, but we will! Every year I buy them each their own ornament. My goal is for them to have some to take with them when they leave the nest for their first Christmas tree. I let the girls open their presents from each other on Christmas Eve. They may be disappointed this year as they both got clothes, but they ARE girls,right? I cannot wait for Christmas morning. I am excited for them to see what they got from Santa. They've already received their Santa Santa videos and I plan to get them an I Caught Santa photo this year. This may be the last year Talise believes. I hope not. I think Mylie may be old enough to start understanding the meaning of Christmas too. i still need to buy the fixings for Magic Reindeer Food  so Santa finds our house.I am a little worried because my mom has to put out Christmas as I have to work overnight Christmas Eve. Hopefully she can do it right. This year I am also going to try to take them down to the Fantasy of Lights. I think that would be a lot of fun. We are all looking forward to Christmas dinner. it is so nice having family over. Catching up and hanging out. I wish my brother lived closer. I am still stoked about this holiday though. I feel so much love towards others this time of year.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I love a bargain. I feel a rush whenever I score a deal. Like today, I went to Old Navy to buy sweaters for the girls. Right now their sweaters are buy one get one free.AWESOME.I recently lost my debit card and had to cancel it,so I couldn't shop online. So, I trekked an hour to the closest one just to partake the deal. Talise couldn't find any sweaters she liked, but I got Mylie two super cute ones. Their fleece was also a pretty good sale. In all I got Talise a fleece zip front top, fleece pants and two pair of gloves. Mylie left with 3 fleece outfits and 2 sweaters. Bronson got a fleece one piece. My total $102. and change.Score! I was  happy. It was worth the drive. Oh, and while we were shopping Talise informed me that she thinks she is goth. She has decided that grey,black and browns are her new colors and because of that she must be goth. And so it begins.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


So, I was thinking, maybe I should change the name of my blog. After all, I am no longer baby questing. I've got three amazing babes. Although I will not rule out more later just yet. Only time will tell. So I've been pondering new titles. A couple I've thought about are Blessedx3, and pre-Teens, Toddlers, and Newborns Oh My! I'm up for suggestions though. I have been a bargain finding fool! Every time I say I'm done, no more, no way I come across a bargain I just can't refuse. I pass them along to my friends but I usually partake in them also. I think it is because I've had to say no so often for so long. Last year I was only able to get the kids a few things each. Actually since Mylie was born because when Mylie was 4 months old Fernando quit his job. He didn't work again until March of this year. So I think that's part of why Talise gets so ill with Mylie. Talise USED to have amazing birthdays and Christmas's. I'd easily spend $1000.00 or more. She was our only for so long that once I finished x-ray school and got a real job I spoiled her beyond rotten. Maybe not my best idea, but her dad hasn't ever been a big fan of work so I wanted to make up for all the time I wanted to get her things and couldn't. Made up I did, big time! Then, after Fernando quit his job, we had to come up with the five gift thing. I really didn't like it. I know she doesn't NEED a lot , all of her needs are met, but I LOVE being able to give her things. Nice things. Especially now. She's helped me SO much! I've probably over done it but oh well! Another thing, I've always wanted to give my mother jewelry. She adores jewelry. She's also helped me out tremendously. Often when Fernando was out of work or when he blew our money on stupidity she'd buy Talise clothes or shoes. She's deposited money in my account to keep things from bouncing, she's loaned money and bought necessities. She's been wonderful and deserves something nice. So she was looking at a jewelry book I had gotten in the mail and oohing and aahing so I told her to circle the things she really likes. Well, when I went to order them ( a pair of diamond earrings and ring) they didn't have the rings she had circled,but they did have a really pretty diamond ring that looked great with the earrings. So, I bought it. Last night, they had one of the rings she had circled, so I bought it too. My intention was to take back the first ring. I showed it to Talise and she likes the bigger ring from last night the best, but thinks the ring I already picked looks better with the earrings and that Granny will like it better. Now I am torn. In the thirteen years I was married I never got any real diamonds. Heck, not much jewelry at all,none after we had kids. My mom bought me jewelry. So I am tempted to keep one for myself. I've also debated giving her both. What to do, what to do. I may take pictures and post them on Facebook for a vote. I need to go buy fabric for the kids stockings. A wonderful friend who is quite crafty is going to make them monogrammed stockings. I just have to find material. Of course out here in the sticks they don't have any fabric stores. I wonder if Joann's lets you order it online? OK, enough rambling, here's a few photo's that Talise took of Mylie. I think she did great.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dear Baby Teeth,

Please, do us all a favor, make up your mind. Either pop on through or stop trying! You are making my sweet fella miserable. So much so that nothing is helping him. The poor little guy sighs in relief at the Tylenol bottle. That only helps for a bit. I know you mean well and all, but good grief! I'm sure you are going to be gorgeous, shine brightly and work hard for him once you make your appearance but please either hurry up or just stop. Give him a break please. He's such a good boy. He tries to be happy, even when you are aggravating the mess out of him. It's just not right!  It breaks my heart seeing him like this. I've done all I know to do to ease up the discomfort you are causing. Have mercy on him!
                                                Bronson's Mommy

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

This face

This face

This beautiful, cereal covered face

This beautiful, cereal covered, big blue eyed face

Seriously warms my heart.

Monday, November 29, 2010


 Thanksgiving was nice. I cooked a super juicy, tender bird. YUM! Everything else was good too. Well, not everything. We are HUGE dessert fans, and ours sucked, big time. It was a new recipe. Carrot cake, one of my favorites and perfect for Thanksgiving. It called for grated carrots (duh), raisins, pineapple, walnuts, and coconut. That all sounded yummy to me, but the actual cake part worried me a bit, and rightfully so. It called for a butter cake mix, oil, AND pudding. I always add pudding to my cakes, but not pudding and oil. I baked. It smelled heavenly. I let it cool, iced it and covered it the day before. When we were finished eating and ready for cake I noticed a little pool of oil surrounding thee cake. Hmm, that's not supposed to be there. I tasted a bit from the top of the cake. Gag! Not good! At all. What a waste of ingredients. We were all disappointed. Oh well. Bronson enjoyed the holiday. He smacked down mashed potatoes, pumpkin casserole and then gummed on speckled Lima beans. I have one of these:

that I put them in so he only got the juice and flavor. I had to work that night  which bummed me a bit, but it wasn't too bad. My wonderful coworker helped me to score the steam mop I wanted online when the sales started. That pleased me and then when I got home in the morning my mom let me sleep! Fernando never did that. He'd let the girls be loud and come in my room to bug me or jump on the bed. I digress, If you keep up with my blog then you've read about my Christmas stress. I never explained why. I always pay cash for Christmas, so I panic about it. I am on a limited income though so it is very important to not charge anything that is not a dire emergency. I start buying Christmas early so I can get everything in time and it is entirely paid for. So, when Fernando finally gave me child support and I was able to buy most of their Christmas it was SUCH a relief. I say most because I THOUGHT I was finished. I WAS finished until this  past weekend. All the deals broke me! I was bad. I used bill money (I was going to pay something off) to buy more! I scored a swing set (not wooden, but it will do) for $99! I got Mylie a doll, which she didn't have. She adores dolls so when I realized I didn't get her one I felt bad. I was able to buy my mom jewelry. That is something I have always wanted to do but couldn't ever afford to. I got Bronson some super cute superman fleece pajamas, he is,  after all, my superman! Fernando was supposed to buy the kids a bike. He hasn't. They have them on sale and it is taking everything in me to not buy them. I want them to have bikes, but they specifically asked their dad for them. I am trying to be strong. I kept buying stuff because I wanted everything to be even. Then this morning it hit me.Rather than going broke evening everything out why not return some things to even it out. They won't know. Really, they don't NEED any of it. So that's what I am doing. They've got everything on their list and then some. Oh, and don't worry, I will still be able to pay off the bill, just not today. It will have to wait until Thursday. I am SO excited about Christmas this year!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Pain in the...

I am itching like a million mosquito's partook in a feast all over me. Why, you ask? Well from the Tylenol with Codeine. What's that for? My headaches. I have been having cervicogenic headaches from stress. My primary care doctor tried Tramadol, Dolgic Plus, Midrin, and Robaxin to help. None did. So he sent me to a neurologist. After a full neurology work up he increased my Zoloft (to help me to relax) and prescribed Xanaflex and told me to avoid caffeine. He also gave me a referral to physical therapy so I can get set up at home for traction. The increased dose of Zoloft seems to help a bit.  It takes a while longer for me to loose it. The Xanaflex makes me comatose within 10 minutes. I guess that works. Can't feel your head throb when you're drooling on your pillow. When I am awake, totally different. My head pounds. The worse it hurts, the less patience have, the more tense I get, the worse it hurts. It's a vicious circle. I called my neuro guy to see if there was anything else I  take to help. He's out of the office so his nurse told me to increase my dose of the Xanaflex, you know, the one that knocks me out. I told her the effect it has on me and her reply was "He SAID to take it at bedtime" with a tone that screamed you idiot! I asked what about the pain during the day. She just repeated that the doctor is out of town. I asked if it would be unethical for me to call my primary doctor for a Rx. Nope, no problem! Great, now we may be getting somewhere. So  I call. The receptionist says based on my symptoms that I need to be seen. I told her I just had a full neuro work up less than a week ago and I work in Radiology, I don't have a tumor and am NOT getting a CT. She put me on hold and transferred me to a nurse. The nurse asked me about the other meds primary dr. prescribed. They contain caffeine. So he called in the Tylenol with codeine. I guess I'd rather itch than pound. Blech.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


This Thanksgiving will be Bronson's first one ever. It will be the first one the girls celebrate with out Fernando. It will be the first one I work on. I bought the goods to cook yesterday. Our menu consists of turkey breast, mashed baby reds, speckled butter beans, pumpkin casserole, rolls and for dessert : carrot cake. Not a big menu. I know. My family has really dwindled over the years. Growing up, we had huge family dinners. Grandmother's on both sides of the family, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, their families and sometimes friends all came to our house to celebrate. It was total chaos, I LOVED it! We had so much food. Always a turkey and a ham, my grandmothers dressing, gravy and burnt (nearly every year) green beans. There were at least 8 side items and 5-6 desserts to choose from. We ate around 1 p.m. but got together around 11 a.m. and hung out until 6 or so. All the ladies sat around talking and telling stories while the guys watched the games. I loved it. Then my uncle and his wife moved to Texas. After that my other uncle's wife passed away rather quickly from Cancer. A few years later my grandmother died. Then my other uncle moved to South Carolina. Last year, my favorite aunt died.Now it's just me, my babes, and my mom. I still cherish it. I'm helping make memories for my children. I just hate that our gatherings are so small. No cousins for them to run around and play with. Just us. We'll still eat until we're stuffed. We'll still be thankful, after all, we have each other.

It lead to you

As I was sitting on my sofa holding my sweet, sweet boy I had an epiphany. All of this, everything I've been through, my entire life thus far brought me to him. I've always known that God has a plan for my life, but knowing and feeling it is quite different. It just washed over me, a deep appreciation. Any hardship, festivity, or regular day I've lived led me here. Holding this amazing boy. A boy I so foolishly thought I couldn't love. A boy whose deeply dimpled smile makes waking at 5 a.m. completely bearable. His laughter warms my heart. His happiness creates my happiness. I could snuggle with him forever. His musical coos wash away my worries. I love him. More than love. I have no words for it. I'm amazed that my heart can hold it all in.

Monday, November 22, 2010


hate–verb (used with object) 1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest

I was raised NOT to hate. I raise my children the same way. Hate is such an extreme word not to be used lightly. I guess I am a contradiction though because as hard as I try I cannot come up with another term for how I feel. My mother's live-in (nicest term) is a mean spirited, horrible man. He's jealous of me and my brother, always has been. I cannot wrap my brain around that one. He harasses her every week about her coming down to watch my children while I work. He cusses her and calls her names, especially when she's on the phone. The ENTIRE time she is here he calls and gives her hell. I'll call home to check on my sweet babes and she'll sound terrible. Usually she'll end up crying. She doesn't get a moments peace. He refuses to buy her soda's or meats. Today I had to give her a bag of sugar because he refused to buy more. He makes her turn in receipts if he does pay for something, but he acts all psycho before he gives in and buys it. Even her medications.  I could go on all day. It sickens me. My eye is starting to twitch just thinking about it. He HAD cancer, about 15 years ago. He got it while he was serving time for beating and choking her in front of my grandmother. Why my mom waited on him to get out is beyond me. I digress, she took excellent care of him. She waited on him hand and foot. She worked, paid for everything, cleaned, cooked, ran him all over to his appointments. He was no easy patient. His nurses often disliked him. He' d cuss them and be mean. My mom always intervened and stood by his side. That was quite nauseating. Honestly, I prayed for Cancer to take him. I felt/feel he deserved to suffer and slowly die. He's a debt to society. He's blackness and evil. Instead, Cancer reared it's ugly head and took a dear, sweet, wonderful aunt of mine. Irony? He survived and thrived, it's hard to take out evil. He still often gets sick, and due to the location of the Cancer, lost all his teeth. Now he is much, much thinner so he no longer hits my mother. Good thing too, now that I am an adult I would call the cops. Actually, I have once before. Now he uses power ($$) and words to abuse and cause misery. I've done everything in my power to get her to leave. Now that Fernando is gone (they didn't see eye to eye) I've asked her to move in. Nope! The kids would get on her nerves too much ~ understandable. They are small, noisy, argumentative, and non stop wigglers. I've put her on the waiting list for income based apartments since she can no longer work.  Meanwhile, while I wait I can't help but hate. I fantasize about telling him I feel about him. I don't because I was raised not to be disrespectful to my elders. So I am polite. It takes all I have in me to do so, but I am. It would be so satisfying to tell him I hate him. I pray for Cancer to come back and slowly make him suffer. When my mom called to tell me that he was in the E.R. possibly having a heart attack that I smiled. I want him out of her life, he doesn't deserve her. I won't ever get to say those words. I love my mother. She would never hear the end of it. Until she gets out I wait with baited breath, longing to release all the hate I have built up over the years. Does that make me just as evil? Is my hate justified?  My hate is so powerful and big. I pray about it. Yet I also pray for him to leave this world. I don't like feeling this way, nor am I proud of it. Hate for him consumes me. Toxic. Always there. Bitter like bile. I swallow it up for my mother. I love her.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Money, money, money

Funny thing about divorce, money becomes a big issue. Ever since he left and found out I hired an attorney he has questioned me about child support. How much? When is it going to start? Who is going to claim the kids on taxes? My questions to him...When are you going to help me out with your children? He feels like all I talk about is money.I feel the same towards him. I just freak out about Christmas. I have to be Santa and buy them things from me, which I am used to. He was unemployed for two years. It's just not fair that now I have to do it for three while he buys them one gift a piece and is SUPER DAD!!!! Plus, what he said he was going to get them (bikes) he is now saying he may not be able to get. How not? For the one's they are asking for we are talking about $140.00 tops. Meanwhile Santa is supposed to bring the new Nintendo DSI plus games and that Fisher-Price computer plus games. Those are just the big ticket items. They get 5 toys  piece from Santa, plus 1 from me and one from each other. Our family tradition is to buy each child an ornament each year, I've still got to do that. I CAN do all these things.  I WILL do them. It's just the point.  He acts like he's doing  me a favor. RAISE your kids! HELP! It's your responsibility!

Monday, November 15, 2010


Before I had my precious babes I loved pets. Dogs were my favorite, but I liked cats too. I've owned several dogs. Some of which were like children to me. That was BEFORE. Now, I couldn't care less about having a pet. Just one more mouth to feed, which to me means less funds to spend on my sweet babies. Talise, on the other hand, feels entirely different. That girl is like Snow White. Animals love her and she LOVES them. She is very protective of all animals and is gentle with them. Even wild animals will come up to her which displeases me. She has brought in lizards from outside to take care of in her room (with out my knowledge). She has had birds, fish, dogs, cats and hamsters. She's done pretty good at taking care of them, especially given her age. This weekend a rooster came up in the yard. She wants to keep it. He'll traipse around her. She will NOT listen to me when I tell her they are mean. I am waiting for him to come running to peck her eyes out. Our cats, which are tremendous, are afraid of the rooster. I don't like roosters. I hope he goes back where he came from.

Friday, November 12, 2010


She loves her baby.

Ah, you probably thought I meant THIS baby:

She loves him too!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Later he'll hate me for it

But his rolls and cellulite is too cute!

Don't you wish you could pull off rolls like that? I do!