Thursday, June 27, 2013

I am no shrinking violet

I feel betrayed. It's a horrible feeling. What's worse is not being able to confront the ones that do it.  It seems so many  that claim to accept and love my family truly don't. At least they are nice to my face. It is hurtful. Maybe because I respectfully speak my mind when asked. I do voice my concerns. I do not just sit back and obey. These are all qualities my husband loves about me. He lived as a single man for 35 years. He worked, slept, and partied mostly. He spent more time with his family than he is able to now I believe. When we met we had an instant, intense connection. Everything happened rather quickly and it seemed to have upset people. My husband and I disagree on occasion, just like every other couple. We stay respectful, do not name call or get physical in any way. Call me naive but I have no worries about him running around on me. you know why? He chose me and my three children out of all the women he dated in his 35 years before we met. He's not as expressive as I am but that man adores me. He shows it. Even when he is mad at me he always tells me he loves me and kisses me bye before work. He always is sure to tell me good night. He puts me and our family first. We are partners. I wouldn't ever hurt him in any way either. I am proud of the man he is. I know in my heart he would do anything to protect and support us. I would do the same for him. I make sure he eats well and has a hot meal when he gets home from work. When I am out and see something he's mentioned wanting, I get it.  We laugh, we share the same interests, we enjoy each other. We compliment each other. I keep a clean house and the laundry washed all week, so he picks up on the weekends for me. That way I don't have to come home to a filthy house after working 32 hours in 48 hours. I get up with Bree all week so he can sleep before work and he gets up with her if she wakes 2 nights a week for me. He works overtime as often as he can so we have extra money to save and go out on. Although we rarely go out. He chooses to work extra. he doesn't have to because I do not sit at home all the time. I work to. I contribute more funds towards our family than he does. It hurts me to hear that people get pissy about him having to get up with our baby 2 nights a week. he worked more overtime when he had his sister and her family or 4 living in his house with out contributing, but that was OK I guess. He doesn't go out on the weekends while I work because he is intimidated to take all the kids out without my help. He doesn't call or visit family much any more because he'd rather spend time with us. He's hurt by all the negative he hears about me. He sees all the effort I make to be loving to everyone. It's really sad. I've overlooked so much out of love for him so he is happy. I do not understand why the rest of his loved ones cannot do the same. i love our mom. She is the only one that seems to truly accept us. Knowing my children are viewed differently than our child together is extremely hurtful. i am trying very hard to not act out or be bitter about it but it has weighed heavy on my heart. That makes it quite difficult to forgive. I love that my husbands family gets together often. I really enjoy that. Now that the negativity is trickling down to my children as well we may all stop attending them. The worst part of all of this is no one will ever come ask me anything. They won't speak to me about any issues they have with me or about me. Its all smiles to the face and knives in the back.