Monday, July 29, 2013
I've been doing a lot of thinking. Trying to figure out how to handle certain situations. From a very young age I've been taught to behave properly. Act like a lady. Be polite. Be the bigger person. Be respectful and respectable. The problem is, that doesn't always work. I can go completely out of my way to be kind and if someone has decided not to like me it doesn't matter. So after great thought and discussion Ive decided why bother? Nothing I have done has changed anything. I don't want to be at all ugly to anyone. However if I am described as psycho, and unliked why not be considered psycho and unliked for good reason? I am by no means saying I will go out of my way to be spiteful, malicious or conniving in any way. I will just no longer hold back. For now on I will speak my mind. Holding it all in breeds resentment. All the resentment built up inside me is not only causing me stress but it trickles out to others. It will be difficult to let go but I bet it will be freeing as well.
Friday, July 5, 2013
It truly amazes me the way some people's minds work. How certain actions are justified by some, but not others. Why is it alright for one to seek out any tidbit of information that can possibly be turned into something remotely negative and it be completely accepted. In fact, not only accepted, but embraced as if they were honorable. I would love an explanation. How a general statement can be assumed and twisted. Then when people get bent out of shape over what they believe to be true, the author is at fault. Even though the upset is due to conniving and sneaky behavior. The digging, stalking, stealing of information, poor interpretation, assumptions and rewording of statements is regarded as dignified. If I am asked about what I say or write I am happy to explain. I try my best to always be accountable. I own up to whatever I put out into the world. I shouldn't have to defend my words, thoughts or feelings because someone believes that my comment is about them. If I chose to explain, what I say should be accepted or at least considered. When a person I have blocked to help prevent any problems goes so far as accessing someone else's accounts to see what I write they have a problem. When they intercept emails I write to a mutual friend, read them, forward the email to themselves, then delete the email so the person it was intended for never sees it, they have a problem. I find it both frightening and flattering. Obviously the person is stalking me. I must consume their thoughts. Why else would they go to such lengths to try to get at me? I must be pretty spectacular to cause such insecurity in others. The fear comes from the absolute, pure crazy that must reside inside such a person causing them to behave in such a way. Either way, it's nice to know that someone is always thinking of me. Maybe one day the people that think it's alright to hold a different set of standards and acceptable behavior for certain people and not others will see the fault in that way of thinking. Doubtful, but I can hope. I refuse to accept it. I will not filter myself from expression to appease others. I understand that many believe in keeping things bottled up, not sharing dirty laundry. I feel that a full life has highs and lows. I chose to share both. I am real. I relate to and respect people that are real and open with me. Anyone that is overly quiet or only speaks about positives I have a difficult time trusting. Life doesn't work that way. People sometimes disagree. Children sometimes misbehave. Spouses sometimes cheat. Houses sometimes foreclose. Things happen. Talking about going through difficult times makes them easier to get through. At least it does for me. It doesn't matter though. My choice to be honest and open is also serving as a place for others to lay blame. I'm sure this too, will be sought out. I will be surprised if my words aren't again a source for upset. We all look at the same situation from a different perspective. Grasping that has proven difficult for some. People will most likely stay bothered by my thoughts and my willingness to share them. I try to use general terms to spare feelings, but it seems that being general makes more people assume my thoughts are regarding them. Its sad that they see so much negativity in themselves to make such assumptions. I have no control over that though. I will continue to write about my life because it brings me peace.