Thursday, February 13, 2014
With Valentines Day approaching I thought I'd blog about something a bit more positive, love. I love my husband. He's quiet and keeps to himself more than I'd like. He's often difficult to interpret. I am very affectionate. I like to hold hands, cuddle and kiss. I love flowers, poems and love notes. I voice theses desires to him. They usually seem to go unheard. That is frustrating. I've said to him more than once I need more. I try to cuddle up to him at night and get pushed away because my feet are so cold. In fact, I stay cold most of the time. I wear socks, especially in the winter. Once my feet get cold forget it. My entire body is cold. I complain at night about having a difficult time falling asleep because my muscles get stiff from trying to knot up as tight as I can for warmth. Well, yesterday my husband told me that he was going to have to order my Valentines Day gift. He couldn't find it in the stores. He asked me if he could tell me what it is. I thought about it and decided sure, why not. The man that rarely shows affection, said he is getting me an electric blanket. That made me feel overwhelmed with love. He actually has been paying attention to me. He does care. He may not be as physically affectionate as I'd like but he loves me. That proves it. I am happy about that. I guess I'll keep him.
I am drowning. I cannot even describe the emotions I have going through me. It's like being caught up in a tornado. Spinning out of control. Their are so many things going on in my life right now. In my family. So much deceit. I'm unsure of who can be trusted. So much intentional hurt for personal satisfaction directed at my inner circle. I am both appalled and amazed at just how horrible someone can be to their own family. What's worse is that it is coming from multiple directions. I wish I could be less vague. I'd love nothing more than to call the scumbags out and tell the world who they really are. Now is not the time though. I will wait. I hope justice prevails. It's proving quite difficult to be so quiet. I've got this though. Time will tell.
Friday, February 7, 2014
My leave is over. I went back to work last weekend. Thankfully my coworkers rock and helped me move patients. It was a really long weekend. I missed my babies terribly. The night before I went back Mylie came up to me for a second goodnight kiss and to tell me that her tummy hurt because I wasn't going to be home the next day. That both warmed and broke my heart. She has such a loving spirit. I truly enjoyed having those weekends off with my family. The evenings are so rushed during the week. Getting lunches made, homework done, baths, dinner made, everyone fed and the kitchen cleaned all between the hours of four and seven doesn't leave a whole lot of time. We sit together to eat dinner. It's nice to discuss what's new with the girls at school and family business. I always go sing to Mylie before bed too. She loves it and honestly, I do too. That's the only downfall of having four children. Trying to give them each all of you everyday. Bronson and I play while Bree naps, I sing to Mylie before bed, Emma hangs out and talks to me while I get the next day's lunches made and I play with Bree once the others are in bed. It just seems like their just isn't enough time each day to give. I do my best to engage with them all during that time. It's really busy though. Everyone has so much to say and yet both adults want to wind down a bit too. Bryan and I have time together once everyone is settled in bed though. It's really important to me that they all know how much they matter to me. I try to make sure our home is filled with love. It's filled with chaos too, but mostly love.