I've decided since I now have four children my blog could use a new title and new look. Obviously, I have fertility problems worked out. I mean I've got four means of proof.I really think stress was the issue. We were always broke, he rarely worked, and we fought a lot. Moving on...so Bree was a delightful surprise. I cannot believe she is already 2 weeks old! She's become an excellent nurser, a super snuggler, hates a bath and a diaper change. She still mostly eats, sleeps, poops and poops some more. She is finally gaining weight! She is still in preemie clothes though, and swims in even preemie diapers. She is a crazy sleeper!
Mylie and Talise are both being awesome. Mylie begs to hold Bree as soon as she wakes up, as soon as she gets home, and before bed at night. She kisses her all the time and professes her love for Bree multiple times a day. Talise helps me out in the mornings before she heads to school. She'll either hold Bree for me while I get Mylie ready for school and Bronson fed and changed or She'll take care of Bronson while I handle the other. After her Mylie goes to bed Talise holds and cuddles Bree. She tells her how pretty she is, how cute she looks in whatever she is wearing or helps with diaper changes and baths. Talise is a bigger helper than my husband with Bree. He is more of, I'll clean or pick up dinner than let me change her or get her in new clothes. As long as it all gets done I am OK with it. I will admit, I get overwhelmed. Between non-stop talking, pre-teen attitude, know it all toddlers, tantrums and a defenseless infant that is completely dependant on me, I have had a tantrum or two of my own! I have cried, yelled, and just walked away. I have found that getting out of the house, talking my littlest two for a walk really helps my sanity. I took all four today. Big mistake. Not relaxing at all. The older girls can find a fight in anything. For now on it'll be just me and the babies. I will survive. I will thrive. I will be the absolute best parent I can be. Not perfect, but my best.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
I know she's mine, but she looks nothing like me. I sit and stare at her and see none of my features at all. Not even a little. She is, however, so completely loved it is unreal. I truly hope she realizes this as she grows. She is always in someones arms. Every now and then she gets put in her Mamaroo or crib. Between the girls and I, she is often snuggled. Bryan doesn't hold her quite as much, but he has his moments. My mother-in-law holds her and smothers her with kisses when she's over. My father-in-law held her his entire visit. She nestled up under his chin on his chest and got cozy and he just ate it up. My brother held and loved her. My sister-in-law held her mos of her visit. Even her 5 year old cousin held her, smiling down at her while he was here. My father was afraid to hold her because she is so small, but he raved and raved about how she is the most beautiful baby he has ever saw. I think I've heard that more with her than any of my other children. It blows my mind. Of course I think she is stunning. I thought so from the moment I laid eyes on her. It brought me to tears. I can honestly say she is the only baby I've had that I thought was gorgeous straight from the womb. My others were as soon as the swelling from their entry subsided, but Bree cam so fast she didn't even have blotchy skin or a cone head. Plus she is such a tiny little thing, it's just precious. I still cannot believe she is mine, but I am grateful.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Tuesday Bryan's father called him. They spoke about all that went on while he was in the hospital. Bryan still refused to call or talk to his mother. I was disappointed. She somehow had it in her head that we weren't going to call her when we have Bree. That is completely not the case. At least that was what I had gotten out of Bryan. I called her yesterday after my doctor's appointment. She was so grateful. Turns out, I was right. It was just a huge misunderstanding due to them both being stressed out and a bit hard headed. She was just saying that while his dad was in the hospital we needed back up just in case. I can completely understand that because if she were here with the kids and something bad happened to her husband she'd be stuck. That would be a horrible place to be. Thankfully, she volunteered to come anytime now as long as my father in law is at home. She said he is doing so much better, his skin tone looks better and he has been joking a lot more. I am very grateful to hear that. Even after I spoke to her I still had to put my foot down to get Bryan to talk to her. He kept saying he knows where he stands now and he has nothing to say. Finally, I explained how upset I'd be if I knew I had upset one of my children that badly that they refused to hear an apology, explanation or anything. I adore my kids and that would just break my heart. So last night he finally spoke to her. I am glad. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I know she loves her kids and is doing the best she can to try to please everyone. Being a parent is difficult. With that being said, I wrote my mother a letter. I will not beg for forgiveness as she hopes for based on what my aunt told me. I explained why I feel the way I do. I also let her know what is going on with my pregnancy and let her know she is welcome to meet her newest grandchild when ever she chooses. I wrote her rather than call because I truly feel that my calling would just instigate more hurt. She tends to be mean and spiteful when she feels upset, where as I tend to shut down to prevent saying something I cannot take back. I still have the horrible texts she sent me and I will not forget or forgive them. I will ignore and move forward for my children. I feel that I have done more than my share now it is up to her whether she chooses to be involved with them. My aunt had called me last week saying that my mother feels that I am keeping my kids away from her. How? She knows where we live and both Bryan and my phone number. She has chosen to not call or visit. She was invited to come see Talise graduate and to Bronson's birthday. She chose not to acknowledge my efforts. That really upset Talise. Thankfully Bronson isn't old enough to really know what is going on. Either that or just not old enough to express that he knows. I really hope she chooses to come meet Bree and see the kids. I have a strong feeling I will be disappointed though. I now need to call my father and let him know he is off the hook for baby watch! I worry he may be disappointed. I hope not. He was always really passive with me growing up and I know he wouldn't hurt my children in anyway. I still felt nervous about him watching them for me though. They just aren't as close to him or as used to him as they are my mother in law. I would worry about what he fed them and silly everyday things. I was SO relieved when she volunteered to take over labor watch for me. Now if only I could find a way to coax this little girl out! No way will I try Castor Oil or Evening Primrose Oil ~ YUCK! I'm afraid to go for walks without my husband. We've been so busy between running the kids around to their events and doctor's or dentists appointments we have been completely beat by the time dinner rolls around. We've been in bed by 9 every night this week. It's been heaven! I've been so completely worn out. It's just like my first trimester this past week. I am praying that is a labor sign! I'm grasping at straws over here! It would be ideal for her to come tonight or sometime after next Tuesday. My in laws anniversary is Saturday, my birthday is Sunday, and Talise's birthday is Tuesday. Tonight would be good. After Talise's kick off concert. Ideal. She'll probably hang out until I am overdue! All my others were early. It is starting to aggravate my husband. He complained the other night about when in the heck is she gonna get tired of being in me already? Didn't the others arrive early? He looked so defeated. I think the anticipation is getting to him. Not much longer.
Monday, September 10, 2012
So much has been going on, it is unreal. I cut back my hours at work. I refuse to go out on leave until my newest addition decides to make her appearance as I don't want to waste time off twiddling my thumbs. I'd much rather be loving on a newborn, and helping Bryan get into the swing of things. I'm a bit nervous about leaving him with a newborn, toddler, pre-schooler and pre-teen. I am sure he will do fine. He's done really great with my babies. I was more at ease feeling as though his mom would come help, but now I am not so sure. They had a falling out. I am positive it was just miscommunication due to stress. I have tried to reach out to them both to help mend things, but it has proved quite difficult. He is hurt, feels unloved and betrayed. He refuses to even accept her calls or respond to her texts at this point. My heart aches for him. I've never saw him this upset before. I also feel badly for his mother, because I know she loves him. Her husband is on the mend, but I cannot imagine how horrible her last week has been, not knowing if he would live or die. Bryan has spoken to his father and was quite happy about that. Thankfully, my father volunteered to come watch my children when I go into labor. I am uneasy about it though. They know who he is, but we aren't exactly close. We didn't even speak for years and just this past couple of years have started talking regularly. He's mentioned how much he wants to be an active grand parent. I don't want to take that from him or my kids. He was always really passive and decent to me as a kid. I don't feel like he would hurt my kids or be neglectful. I just worry about simple things, like what will he feed Bronson? Does he remember to chop up food small? Will he be OK changing a stinky diaper? Will Mylie flip out if she wakes up and he is here rather then me? Can he brush her teeth? Get her dressed for school? I think I will assign those chores to Talise. I even offered to keep Talise home fro the day to help him out. He laughed and assured me he would be fine. Bronson likes him. He's always gone straight to him when ever he visits. I think I feel more comfortable with my mother in law because she is a mom. She's not too passive with the kids, but not stern either. I must say, regardless of any differences Bryan or I ever have with her, she's got the grandma thing down. My kids LOVE her. I guess I need to give my father the same chance. My aunt called the other day saying that my mom is pushing her to have me call and apologize. My mother feels that I am keeping the kids, Talise mainly, from her. I feel that she not only knows where I live but has my number and could call anytime. In no way would I interfere with them speaking to her, unless she brought them in the middle of our difficulties. No way will I apologize though. I do not feel wrong. She said some really hurtful, horrible things to me. Not only that, she then bragged about it to my aunt. Like she was proud of herself. She was not a good parent growing up. She was abusive and crossed many boundaries. I tolerated it then because I had no choice. Now I do. I would really like things to be better between us. I hate that she hasn't reached out so that she can meet her newest grand daughter. Maybe she will surprise me, but I doubt it. My kids are doing great. Bronson is now a puppy. He hassles, barks, growls and crawls around. He even licked Bryan right up his lips! Bryan was so disgusted. I found it amusing. He is such a smart and funny little guy. Bryan was changing a stinky diaper, and apparently not fast enough for Bronson's liking. Bronson looked up at him and said "Tick tock....tick tock". I just laughed! Talise is doing excellent in school. Straight A's so far. She is taking the Clarinet. I went to her first concert, which was the song flute. They did rather well. This Thursday they demonstrate their actual instruments. I'm excited for her. I've been encouraging her to make new friends. I really do not like the ones she's chosen thus far as they treat her as if she is disposable. It breaks my heart and honestly pisses me off! She is a great girl. She is smart, funny and has a huge, tender heart. I only had a few friends for the same reason though. Too many girls are just mean. Mylie is loving school. She has done wonderful, except for last Wednesday when she refused to go to gymnastics. I asked her three times before I paid for her to go, so she will be attending regardless of whether she participates or not! Hopefully this week she'll decide to tumble with her friends. She loves her teachers. Every morning she waves to the assistant who works the car line. She is always talking about how nice they are. That warms my heart. I feel as though I worried for nothing. She's already learned to write out her name too! I am so proud of my kids! Oh! She also learned to ride her bike without training wheels! She does a great job. Now if we could get the girls attitudes adjusted they would be perfect little children. I guess perfect would be boring though. I'd say, even though things have been stressful, especially with extended family, overall I am happy and things are good. All relationships with all people we contact can be trying. I am trying to just be as supportive as possible to my husband. I love him much more than I ever thought I could love anyone other than my kids. Life is good.