Sunday, August 1, 2010


I may snap. This has been a trying week for my husband, which of course has trickled down for me also. His employer isn't playing nice and has been a bully to say the least. Fernando has wanted to quit. I am all for that ONCE he has something else lined up. I do not want to go back to work early and since we have another mouth to feed and bottom to diaper he has to keep a job. When we first got married he had a hard time keeping a job so I get really anxious when he says he wants to quit. He says that every time he gets upset though, so I should be used to it. He was with his last employer for 9 years so I shouldn't still get an upset stomach when he says that but I do. I spent nearly all of Friday begging him to continue working. He has prospects, some he feels quite certain about, so he feels safe about quitting.  I do not. After he calmed down he finally agreed with me.  It is time to grow up and be responsible. No more acting out of anger, sometimes being a grown up means doing things you don't want to and dealing with circumstances that aren't the best. So Friday sucked. I had a headache and upset stomach almost all day. Then comes Saturday. Our power was out for some reason and wouldn't be on for several hours so we decided to go run errands. Bronson does not enjoy riding in the car. He cries nearly the entire time. I have gotten used to it, Fernando has not. The entire trip he keeps talking about how we have to buy Bronson a new car seat.  He is uncomfortable. Why won't he quiet down. Finally I pull over to check his diaper. He had been having a fit for about 30 minutes so he was all sweaty. Fernando freaked. He undressed him and blamed the seat for him being so hot, saying it hurt his back and makes him sweaty and itchy. WHATEVER! While we were out Mylie was asserting her independence quite fiercely. Talise talked nonstop. It was pure joy! We get home and Bronson is crying cause it is that time of day. I am trying to comfort him, bathe him and get him settled. Meanwhile Mylie starts loosing her ever loving mind. Worse tantrum ever. She goes completely boneless, slithering around like a snake. She is screaming and being defiant, She has been refusing naps which I know is the problem but you cannot dare mention the s or n words. It just makes thing so much worse. She decides that she wants me to watch movies with her in her room at the same time dinner is ready. She flips and flops all over the place while I eat.  She starts screaming out like she is hurt so Fernando runs in there and she won't say anything. Just keeps screaming.  He starts to loose his patience so I had to intervene.  We never found out what the matter was.  She just started screaming momma over and over and over. I was holding Bronson, holding Mylie, and trying to keep her from hurting him.  It was miserable. This went on for at least three hours. We were spent. Once she finally went to sleep and Bronson was down for the night I got Fernando to rub my shoulders while Talise rubbed my feet. Then it was time for bed, THANK GOD! Bronson woke up at 5:45 so I got up with him. When the others got up Bronson and I laid back down for about an hour or so. The entire time I could hear the girls screaming and fighting. Fernando had to keep getting onto them and dragging them out of our room so I could try to rest. When I got up I went to say thank you to him.  Instead he told me thank you for giving him time to spend with just the girls. I liked that. That has been the only bright spot so far today. Fernando is used to taking a nap with Mylie whenever he is home. Mylie no longer naps though. He took Bronson to our room to lay down. Bronson was fussing so I went to see what was wrong and as soon as I laid beside Bronson he started to calm. I fed him and he fell asleep. Well Fernando calls the girls to the bed because he wants to take a nap. I keep telling him that is not going to work. Talise is too big with me and him and Mylie is all over the place and will try to hurt Bronson. Mylie keeps trying to kick him or push him, the Talise throws a blanket on him. I am saying over and over that the girls need to get out.  Fernando keeps saying no, they are fine.  MylieMylie would mess with him.  He offered to "guard"  Bronson. I think not. He finally brings Bronson to his bassinet and lays him down then goes outside. He tells me not to follow him. I don't. I give him his space and the brat sneaks in the bedroom and tries to lay down.  I get tired too you know. I am usually up from 5:30-6 a.m. until after 11 p.m. and get up every two hours to feed Bronson. I would like to rest too you know. I am frustrated, which I think is apparent. If I wasn't breastfeeding I would have myself a shot of something strong!