Friday, August 13, 2010

Then and Now

When I was first pregnant with Talise I totally didn't expect it. We had been trying for two years and I had already tested negative earlier in the week. When I caved and took another one and it said positive I didn't believe it.  I called the 800 number on the back of the box. Then I called my friend and was so hysterical that she asked me if we were happy or sad. I ate like mad the entire pregnancy. I gained a LOT of weight. She arrived tiny and I was huge.  I worried over everything about her. I couldn't let her sleep in her bassinet because I just knew she would die if I did. She slept in bed with me. I followed all the doctors orders and whatever I read in baby books. No cereal until 6 months old, no baby food until 9 months old, no real food until one year. I would not feed her from the jar, and would throw out jars if the daycare had fed her out of it. I even brought her own water to daycare.  I held her so much that she wouldn't even attempt to crawl until she started daycare at 9 months old. We didn't let her cry. We did whatever we could to make her happy. She didn't like a bath so I sat in the bath tub and let her nurse while Fernando bathed her. We took professional  pictures of her at least twice a month every month for the first year, we took three family pictures. I remember when my sister in law called at 6 p.m. and said she and her family were coming over to see Talise when she was a week old.  I freaked out. It would take her an hour to get to my house and I NEEDED to sleep! Talise would nurse, poop, be changed, and then it take me at least thirty minutes to get her back to sleep.  From start to finish was about and hour and a half.  She woke to eat every two hours. I went through that routine every time she woke up. That was then. It was easier with Mylie, it is a breeze with Bronson. We tried for him too. Almost a year, with the help of medicine. I totally didn't expect a positive but the test said yes and immediately I felt a warm happiness wash over me. I had a few happy tears. Mostly I was in shock. I didn't worry until I had pre-term labor. When I had him I felt relief and utter bliss. He's a different ball game.  I change him at night when I put on his jammies and unless he poops he wears that diaper until we wake up at 5 a.m. Bronson sleeps in his bassinet. He occasionally falls asleep while nursing but will wiggle and grumble until I put him in his bed on his ....BELLY!!!! I even put a small blanket over the lower half of him because our house gets chilly at night. He raises his head and turns it just fine. I feed him whenever he's hungry. I wear him, that made me way to nervous before, again I was afraid she'd die. I bather him in his tub, period. Whether he's happy about it or not, but he likes it. I let him cry. I put him to bed before he falls asleep. I welcome visitors, they keep me sane. I don't worry about sleep. I stay tired but my babes are totally worth it. I enjoy Bronson. I don't worry nearly as much. When the other two make me crazy he centers me. I can watch him all day. I relax when I hold him, even when he's crying. I am so happy to be at this place. I'm not saying that things don't get stressful they do. Just today while driving from the store, between Bronson crying, Mylie screaming and throwing things, the radio blaring and Talise talking non stop I had to really fight the urge to head straight to the trees. Once we got home all was forgotten. I am happy for then because without it I wouldn't have now, and now is wonderful.