Thursday, August 26, 2010

Can't save the world, so why worry?

I am a worrier. I try to give it to God, I really do. Worry consumes me though. I do not help matters.  I research. A lot. It makes me feel better. I don't know why. It is kind of a double edged sword. What I read disturbs me, yet comforts me at the same time. I didn't realise this until I had a dear friend that had her baby die in utero. For some reason I was consumed by it. She was 24 weeks along so I started researching still births. I read dozens of stories, possible causes, how to deal with the grief, how to help someone else deal with it. For some reason the more I know about horrible things the better I feel about them. Like if I am super aware then it won't happen. Crazy I know. Because of this every morning I read this blog about crazy parents. I read Dastardly Dads about crazy dads only. I read People You'll See in Hell about all types of crazy. I cannot wrap my brain around all the horrible, evil people that are out there. I also follow several personal blogs regarding children. I want to protect my kids.  The more I know about the evils in this world the better prepared I feel. Because of sweet baby Cora I knew to have a pulse oximetry test done on Bronson when he was born. Because of Madilyne and Noah I know about shaken baby syndrome. I have researched signs and symptoms. I do the best I can to educate myself and feel no guilt or shame telling others. People shake their heads and wonder why I read such depressing things. To me it matters. These stories, these kids, their families, they matter. I can learn, educate and protect my kids because of them. I pray that I never experience any of the evil out there. I will gladly accept my troubles with open arms.  I will still read though. I will still spread the word. I will still worry.