Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I've come to realize

That maybe I don't love him either. I haven't liked him for a long time, but I don't miss him at all. Wouldn't I miss him if I loved him? Wouldn't I be sad about packing up his things or opening a new checking account. Wouldn't filling out divorce papers cause anxiety if I felt like I was losing something? I don't feel like a victim. I get disappointed that we were left in the financial situation we are in right now. I also know that my situation will improve. I feel free. Relaxed. Almost happy. I've enjoyed not listening to negativity, criticism, or bullying. I've been nicer to be around. My kids have gotten along better. The girls haven't fought nearly as much. I find myself not feeling flustered when I am trying to accomplish something and they are spitting out question after question. I feel better. My life now has so many more possibilities. I can use this to teach my girls how important education and independence really are. I've learned a lot from this relationship. I've learned just what really is important to me. What character traits really matter. I'm much stronger now.  More sure of myself. I know that I am worth much more and deserve to be loved, to laugh often and enjoy being at home. Freedom. I am learning to embrace it. It feels good.