Monday, September 6, 2010

Dumbfounded

dumbfounded (comparative more dumbfounded, superlative most dumbfounded)
  1. shocked and speechless.

[edit] Synonyms


One thing I've never doubted, no matter how ugly things got, was his love for our children. Then Friday happened. honestly, I feel relief for myself. My heart aches for our children. Talise especially. She's hurt and angry. She loves her daddy. She feels rejected and unwanted. He's promising her the world right now. I know he doesn't want to loose face. It angers me though. I just keep my lips tight. It's not my place to discredit him. My mother doesn't think I should allow the girls to talk to him. Why not? I don't care if they call him 100 times a day. If that makes them feel better. Of course Mylie doesn't know anything. She just thinks he's at work. I hope he doesn't say anything just yet. I don't know how to approach the subject with a two year old. I want to talk to a counselor first. She's already dealing with so much since she is no longer the baby. The whole situation just blows my mind. I cannot see how he could look at their sweet faces and leave. I'm glad he did though. I would have had a horrible time getting him out of the house otherwise. At least now I don't have to worry about that. I don't understand why I am so freaked out about it. I am used to him being gone. When he was over the road I was much calmer and happier. I know I can pay for everything and provide for our kids.  I paid for them and him for two years.  They still had decent holidays, clothes, food, and extracurriculars. Plus, they don't get speeding tickets, smoke cigarettes, or buy 1000 coffee's a day. I may now actually be able to save up some money for emergencies. No more fighting, name calling, picking or undermining. No more being embarrassed by lack of tact or down right rudeness. I feel a sense of relief, finally.  I just wish I could shield my babies from the pain they feel.