Monday, June 21, 2010

Pressure

I am feeling pressure. From my mom, from my husband, pressure. They both want me to stay home with my kids. That's what I like about my job. I am home all week and only work weekends. I work long hours though, sixteen hours each day. My mom fears that having such a long day with a toddler and an almost 3 month old will be too much for my husband. He usually comes home tired and wants to sleep. He naps when Mylie does, and he wouldn't be able to do that. Fernando just wants to be able to enjoy his time at home and provide for his family.  I think he wants to feel like a man again.  I think being at home almost two years affected his self esteem. The thing is, I like my job. Of course it has it's down sides, but what job doesn't?  I like getting out of the house and around other adults.  I like having extra money. My job has decent insurance and I like the people I work with. My husband's job offers insurance, but it's only for Alabama doctor's. My doctor's are in Georgia. Honestly, I am afraid of having just one income. It is SO difficult to get a job lately that I don't want to just cast mine aside. My husband does alright, but what if? You know? There are so many things to worry about. I also worry about my husband being at home with the kids all that time too. Bronson is an easy baby, but Mylie is not being an easy 2 year old. She is a daddy's girl and does not like for my husband to hold Bronson. I think he will end up losing his patience with her. He tends to let things build until he can't take it anymore. Both he and Talise forget that Mylie is still a baby too.  Even though she can talk, talk back, pick fights, and throw tantrums, she is STILL a baby! I am torn. I don't want to leave my job.  I like my job. I don't want to leave my children. I love them. I don't want to give up my insurance and doctors.  I don't want to worry all day long about my kids. I don't want an overly tired person left to care for them for such long hours. My mother lives too far away to just drop by and help. I like contributing.  I just don't know. UGH! The pressure!