Saturday, June 5, 2010

Heart Ache and Hormones

It's no surprise that I have been moody lately, I am 9 months pregnant. It kinda comes with the territory. Lately my hubby and I have been in a funk. I think it came to a head today. Not that we had any argument or anything. He has just been snippy and distant and I have been me. Only the pregnant, moderately psychotic me. Today I have really, really tried to keep my attitude in check, but it seems like he is so ready for me to be ugly that he is overly sensitive to things. After the movie I took him to his truck.  That was not in the plan for our day.  We were both upset with each other and it was better that way. After I got home I started to really get upset about it. Our new baby is about to be here and I want us to be happy. I don't like him physically away, but emotionally away is far worse. I called him. We talked, rather he talked I cried, darn hormones. I think we understand each other better.  He is worried that things will get worse once Bronson is here because of added stress of a baby.  He doesn't understand the toll pregnancy and hormones take on a woman. He is also upset at how I behave with the girls. He thinks I am too hard on them and it angers him.  He said that is the main reason he has been so short with me lately. I feel like I have to get them in line before Bronson gets here so I don't flip out from the stresses of a new baby, toddler, 9 year old and lack of sleep. I guess he's right though.  My mom told me the same thing. I am trying to do better. I fell better about our relationship now that we talked though. This whole love thing can really suck at times. I don't like feeling so vulnerable. I don't like feeling sleepless and physically sick at the thoughts of him being upset with me. I hate it that I adore him. I do though. He makes me nuts but I cannot imagine my life without him in it.  I'd be miserable. More miserable than this whole love thing makes me. I guess i am blessed to still feel that way about him after almost 13 years, plus I find him quite hot, that helps when he makes me crazy.