Friday, January 14, 2011

Faking it

When I was younger I dated a guy that meant the world to me. So much so that I gave myself to him. After that  magical night I received a telephone call from a girl claiming to be his fiance. During our blubbery mess of a conversation chat she revealed to me that she too had given herself to him as well. This ass had ruined both of us. Our self esteem and security tainted. From then on I was insecure, jealous and questioned my worth with every guy I encountered. That is until my mom had a talk with me. She let me in on a twisted little secret that I believe to be true to this day. Sadly, you can't let people know just how much they mean to you. To keep a guy interested you have to make him feel like you could take him or leave him. Once I started holding back my feelings and behaving like I was the only thing that mattered I had guys chasing me like mad.Nut head couldn't marry me fast enough. Everything went well until I let him know how much I loved him. Then he took advantage of my love and became an ass from hell. Now his only sense of control is dragging out the divorce.He wants us to be friends. He wants me to go out to dinner with him. HE wants us to date. He'll call off his attorney if i... I am SO fed up with his crap. At first I was faking it, pretending to still be interested but I just CAN'T FAKE IT ANYMORE. i DO not ENJOY TALKING TO HIM.Even hearing his voice disturbs me. The thing is, the more I push him away the more up my tail he tries to get. Momma was right. The one who cares less has the power in the relationship. I just don't want the relationship! I want out. To be divorced and left alone.