Saturday, February 17, 2007

I am such an ASS!

Yesterday I missed my husband so much. I couldn't wait for him to get home. Well, then I lost my mind. I took a shower and shaved and used vanilla jasmine scented shower gel, because he likes it. Then I told him in Portuguese that I wanted to make love to him. Well, all is good, at least so I think. Talise decides that she doesn't want to go to bed in her room. I told Fernando that technically he should put me first because I am his wife. Well, he didn't. I got mad at Talise because she wouldn't stop screaming and crying, which kept Fernando up in her room. I knew he was going to get sleepy and just forget about me. I expressed this to him and he got angry, understandably so. I was acting like an ass. I know I was, I am disappointed in my self. I feel like I am second, and that my feelings don't matter to him. I do not want every night to be an argument with him to get him to make love to me. I want our child conceived out of love, not anger. Afterwards ( I did manage to get my way), he told me to please don't announce what I have planned for the evening because it makes it feel like a demand which causes him to resist. I understand that perfectly. He also asked me to please try to not cry so much. I feel bad for him, but I also feel like he couldn't possibly want this child as much as I do or else he wouldn't say things like that. He doesn't feel that this should be so hard, well I don't either, but it is! Oh, and I spoke to my doctors nurse yesterday, she gave me a really hard time about the opks, so I am going to go buy some. Also, I have to go in for an ultrasound on Tuesday at 2:00, to see if I have mature follicles and to see if I am about to ovulate. We'll see.