Monday, September 10, 2012

Ramblings

So much has been going on, it is unreal. I cut back my hours at work. I refuse to go out on leave until my newest addition decides to make her appearance as I don't want to waste time off twiddling my thumbs. I'd much rather be loving on a newborn, and helping Bryan get into the swing of things. I'm a bit nervous about leaving him with a newborn, toddler, pre-schooler and pre-teen. I am sure he will do fine. He's done really great with my babies. I was more at ease feeling as though his mom would come help, but now I am not so sure. They had a falling out. I am positive it was just miscommunication due to stress. I have tried to reach out to them both to help mend things, but it has proved quite difficult. He is hurt, feels unloved and betrayed. He refuses to even accept her calls or respond to her texts at this point. My heart aches for him. I've never saw him this upset before. I also feel badly for his mother, because I know she loves him. Her husband is on the mend, but I cannot imagine how horrible her last week has been, not knowing if he would live or die. Bryan has spoken to his father and was quite happy about that. Thankfully, my father volunteered to come watch my children when I go into labor. I am uneasy about it though. They know who he is, but we aren't exactly close. We didn't even speak for years and just this past couple of years have started talking regularly. He's mentioned how much he wants to be an active grand parent. I don't want to take that from him or my kids. He was always really passive and decent to me as a kid. I don't feel like he would hurt my kids or be neglectful. I just worry about simple things, like what will he feed Bronson? Does he remember to chop up food small? Will he be OK changing a stinky diaper? Will Mylie flip out if she wakes up and he is here rather then me? Can he brush her teeth? Get her dressed for school? I think I will assign those chores to Talise. I even offered to keep Talise home fro the day to help him out. He laughed and assured me he would be fine. Bronson likes him. He's always gone straight to him when ever he visits. I think I feel more comfortable with my mother in law because she is a mom. She's not too passive with the kids, but not stern either. I must say, regardless of any differences Bryan or I ever have with her, she's got the grandma thing down. My kids LOVE her. I guess I need to give my father the same chance. My aunt called the other day saying that my mom is pushing her to have me call and apologize. My mother feels that I am keeping the kids, Talise mainly, from her. I feel that she not only knows where I live but has my number and could call anytime. In no way would I interfere with them speaking to her, unless she brought them in the middle of our difficulties. No way will I apologize though. I do not feel wrong. She said some really hurtful, horrible things to me. Not only that, she then bragged about it to my aunt. Like she was proud of herself. She was not a good parent growing up. She was abusive and crossed many boundaries. I tolerated it then because I had no choice. Now I do. I would really like things to be better between us. I hate that she hasn't reached out so that she can meet her newest grand daughter. Maybe she will surprise me, but I doubt it. My kids are doing great. Bronson is now a puppy. He hassles, barks, growls and crawls around. He even licked Bryan right up his lips! Bryan was so disgusted. I found it amusing. He is such a smart and funny little guy. Bryan was changing a stinky diaper, and apparently not fast enough for Bronson's liking. Bronson looked up at him and said "Tick tock....tick tock". I just laughed! Talise is doing excellent in school. Straight A's so far. She is taking the Clarinet. I went to her first concert, which was the song flute. They did rather well. This Thursday they demonstrate their actual instruments. I'm excited for her. I've been encouraging her to make new friends. I really do not like the ones she's chosen thus far as they treat her as if she is disposable. It breaks my heart and honestly pisses me off! She is a great girl. She is smart, funny and has a huge, tender heart. I only had a few friends for the same reason though. Too many girls are just mean. Mylie is loving school. She has done wonderful, except for last Wednesday when she refused to go to gymnastics. I asked her three times before I paid for her to go, so she will be attending regardless of whether she participates or not! Hopefully this week she'll decide to tumble with her friends. She loves her teachers. Every morning she waves to the assistant who works the car line. She is always talking about how nice they are. That warms my heart. I feel as though I worried for nothing. She's already learned to write out her name too! I am so proud of my kids! Oh! She also learned to ride her bike without training wheels! She does a great job. Now if we could get the girls attitudes adjusted they would be perfect little children. I guess perfect would be boring though. I'd say, even though things have been stressful, especially with extended family, overall I am happy and things are good. All relationships with all people we contact can be trying. I am trying to just be as supportive as possible to my husband. I love him much more than I ever thought I could love anyone other than my kids. Life is good.