Thursday, August 30, 2012

9 months in

I have reached that stage in pregnancy where I am just a mess. I am big. Well, my belly is big. Thankfully the rest of me isn't, except for my lower legs and cankles. Yes, I said cankles. Even on my best day my ankles are just gone. They have been replaced by puffy, floppy tissue that is just horrendous to look at and tight feeling.

Excuse the toes, I haven't been able to reach them to polish my nails. After staring at my horrid cankles I have since had them painted. Those bad boys needed help in a big way. My uterus is a practicing fool. It is seriously getting old. I may cry if I go in to the doctor's office today and he doesn't say I've changed some how. I am going to bring up induction. Not too early, the day before I am due. I pray that I go into labor on my own before then, but I really like the idea of a definite end to this.  Bree is running out of space. She is more of a roller than a flipper/kicker now. Although, every night when I settle in for bed she has a little kick routine she does. At least she is consistent.  I've got all her things set up. Her little crib is ready, her mamaroo is together and waiting for her. I've got both her and my bags packed in the back of our van. Her car seat base is installed, but the actual seat is in her crib at the moment. I figure we can grab it on the way out the door when the time arrives.
Bronson has been extra attentive and cuddly. It makes me wonder if he knows something is going on. He literally laid on me for 2 hours yesterday evening.  It could have something to do with both of his sister's being in school during the day too. Either way, I'll take it. I love when he is cuddly and sweet. He's gotten to be so busy playing and getting into things that he rarely wants anything to do with me. He also points out babies on t.v. and the Internet. I really hope he does well with Bree's arrival. I love that little guy more than I could ever express. I know Mylie had a difficult time adjusting to Bronson's arrival, now they are so close. I am hoping for the same.
Mylie is very excited to meet her sister. She hugs and kisses my belly every night to say goodnight to Bree. She loves to feel her move around. She seems to be the only one! Seeing/feeling Bree wiggle freaks Bryan out. My only worry with Mylie is that she talks a lot about bathing Bree. That will not happen in the tub. I don't mind her helping me give her sponge baths, but that is it. I worry that she will take it upon herself to wash her sister. I also worry that she will try to pick her up out of her crib. She will be forewarned. I've enrolled Mylie in gymnastics at her school and cheer leading for the fall to help keep her busy. Hopefully that will help.
Talise is mostly anxious to see what Bree looks like. I don't blame her, I am too. Talise is busy with school and band. I am so happy that she decided to join the school band. I hope she keeps up with it. I wish they had an art club. She is extremely gifted in the arts. She learned to read music quickly and has done well so far. She just has to decide what instrument she wants to play.  I keep encouraging her to participate in a sport of some kind as well. She doesn't like the idea of people watching her, so it has been difficult to convince her.
Bryan seems to be getting excited about his first child's arrival. I worry about how he is going to do with her waking at night. As of now he has a mini tantrum any time one of the kids wakes him up in the middle of the night. I am really trying to be patient with him because he has only been dealing with this for a short period of time. He is most understanding with Bronson, which is a good sign to me as Bronson is still a baby in my eyes. Bryan clearly adores my little fella. It is apparent that Bronson feels the same. Bryan has done exceptionally well helping me out this last week. He is really good about finishing dinner, doing chores or just keeping the kids out of the bathroom so I can handle my business by myself! He seemed to pay attention when he heard the nurse say for me to take warm baths when I am too uncomfortable because he has offered to watch the kids multiple times for me to do just that. I didn't even have to bring it up. I feel bad for him because I am at the point where I am just a miserable beast most of the time. He does far more right than wrong, but just one misstep and I am in tears.
I am conflicted. Like I just mentioned, my hormones have me an emotional wreck. That has been pretty consistent through out this pregnancy. My co-worker innocently mentioned that my nose was red and wider.  I had to fight tears. I have since been obsessed with my nose. I think it looks the same. I stare at it a lot. I am ready to be done with this pregnancy. It should be my last. At the same time, I am nervous to have another newborn. Not so much having her, but having her along with a 2 year old, 4  year old and 12 year old.  That is a lot. The idea of ever being pregnant again scares the hell out of me. So does the idea of never being pregnant again! Just taking away the opportunity is a very difficult decision to make. I really feel that I am beyond being pregnant. I have been raising children since I was 23. I am ready for a break. Yet, the idea of all the squishy goodness of a new life in your arms is simply amazing. Maybe once she is here I'll feel more at ease. I have cut back my hours at work now. 16 hours on these trunks is just too much. When I get home my legs from the knees down are so tight they feel like they could pop right open. Pushing people around the hospital all day takes the Braxton Hicks up a notch. I feel like I am not pulling my share by the time second shift comes in and that is not at all fair to them. No one has said anything to me about it. Everyone seems understanding and supportive. I could not have better co-workers. I am blessed in that department. I must go get ready for my exam. Wish me luck!