Hmm

This weekend wasn't bad. I was dreading it, but it went okay. I've started craving red meats and orange juice. It gives me heartburn. I still gotta have it. I went to the dr. today, just a nurse appointment. Lots of questions to answer, and some blood work. I go back in two weeks. My brother flew in from Delaware today for my aunt Linda's funeral tomorrow. Typing out the words really sucks. It makes it all more real. It still feels like  bad dream. Like she's gonna call me up and tell me it was a cruel joke. I miss her so terribly bad. I hate the thoughts of tomorrow, and every other day without her in it. My mom and I are getting closer, at least right now we are. We'll see how long it lasts. Tonight Talise and I have a date! It's with girl scouts, but a date without daddy and  Mylie nonetheless. She's excited about it.  I am too!  We are going to see A Christmas Carol in 3d. It's perfect because it has gotten cold out so it feels more like Christmas weather. Well I must go.  I have a headache.

Intelligender

So this morning I took the Intelligender test. It's a little early, I won't be ten weeks until Saturday, but I am anxious.  I now know how crucial it is to wait the appropriate amount of time. I cannot figure out my results. When held up to light the test looks orange - Girl! When sitting on the counter it looks green - Boy! I've sent the company emails with pictures attached with flash on and flash off, in direct sunlight and in natural light. I've just frustrated myself and possibly wasted thirty dollars because I will more than likely buy another test to take in a week or two.  I may be able to hold out until I am 15 weeks and get an ultrasound, but who knows.

Aunt Linda

  My aunt Linda died on Saturday morning. It was sudden. My mom and other aunt spoke to her the night before.  I had tried to call her twice, but got no answer.  She had had an intestinal virus for the previous three days, other than that she was fine. She was one of the two people that I speak to on a regular basis. Her and my mom.  Now just my mom. My heart aches.  I want so badly to call her. To hear her say "Hey babe!" We have to go through her things. I don't want to. She is being cremated, her service is next Tuesday, the 24th of November.  The day AFTER I can do Inteligender to see what kind of baby I am carrying. I never sent her videos of Mylie dancing or talking. That saddens me. I had to go buy funeral clothes today. For me and Mylie. It wasn't fun shopping. I've gotten sick from grief twice already. My sister in law called to check on me, she knew how close Linda and I were.  My first thought was, I need to call Linda and tell her how thoughtful Micha is.  I could literally hear her saying "How sweet" I am dreading Tuesday. I have a constant lump in my throat. I miss her terribly bad. I don't know how I am going to make it. I know I will, it just seems inconceivable at the time. I love you Linda, with terrible passion!