Monday, November 26, 2012

So not ready

Before I even had Bree I dreaded having to go back to work from maternity leave. Silly, I know. Knowing that she is my last baby is very difficult for me. I don't want to miss anything. So I have counted the weeks and tried to not worry about it. Over all I did good. For some reason I had it in my head that I go back to work 12/15. I got up today to count the weeks again so I could call my boss to get put on the December schedule. I miscounted. I go back 12/8. I even called Human Resources to be sure. Now I am a mess. I have cried off and on all day. My stomach is in knots. I feel confidant in my husband and I know she will be properly cared for. I look forward to having my own money again and seeing my co-workers. I just really want to bring her with me. I know that is not at all a possibility. I love my job. It's just that I will never experience any of those firsts again. No more lasts either. She's recently started cooing a lot. She stares at me now. She looks for me in a room when someone else holds her. She seeks me out when she hears my voice. I am going to miss her terribly. I keep telling myself it's only two days. Seems like nothing but it is two very long, entire days. I will only get to sleep beside her. That's the only time I will get. I will make it. I did with Bronson. I thought he was my last too. Ugh.