Saturday, July 19, 2008

I adore my baby

When I was pregnant I was so looking forward to the overwhelming feeling of falling completely in love with my baby. That is how it was with Talise. I was just looking at her the day I brought her home from the hospital, holding her in my arms and I just had this immense feeling of a love that I cannot describe wash over me. That is what I expected with Mylie since I had to try so hard and for so long to get her. But after all the prayers, tears, pleas, and drugs it took to get her here I didn't get that feeling. I was bummed out. She was absolutely beautiful from the moment she came out of me. She barely cried. She just snuggled up next to me and relaxed, that in my arms, listening to my heart is exactly where she should be, and still no gush of love. I felt jipped. But now I realize that what I have is just as immense and overwhelming, so much so that God couldn't put it on me all at once, I couldn't take it. I completely adore her. It snook up on me and now I am smitten. I can honestly say that I have never had a negative thought towards her at all. i look forward to going home to her. I still get excited about her waking up, even if I am dog tired. I could cry right now thinking about her. I still just lay and stare at her, kissing her sweet little forehead as she nurses. When she smiles, oh how my heart melts. What's even better, is that Talise adores her too. Mylie adores Talise. Her little eyes light up when she sees her big sister. She stares at her and smiles, she laughs at her and tries to kiss her. Now I know why God waited so long to bless us with Mylie. He knew I wasn't ready, my heart just wasn't big enough to appreciate all of her greatness. I now know that my heart is huge, it has to be, or else it would just explode from all the love I carry in it for my children. I love them both for different reasons, but I love them all the same.
It is amazing how different your kids can be. Talise is so head strong, always has been. She is relentless, intelligent, kind, silly and very sensitive. Mylie is happy, content, laid back and cuddly. I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am. Thank you God for blessing me with two beautiful girls, please always keep them safe and healthy.