Overcome

My emotions are running on high lately, which I am sure is hormone related. I can't help but sit and think how amazingly blessed I am. This is the very first pregnancy that I didn't have to really work at achieving. This is the first one that I didn't have to take medicines, check my cervix and keep a chart on. It makes me believe that my ovulation issues were completely stress related. It is no secret that my ex and I had a difficult relationship at best. All three of my children I begged God for. In fact, after I had Talise I tried for five years to get pregnant. It wasn't until after I joined a church, had others praying for me as well and my ex and I both became baptized that I did conceive again. It still took six cycles of Clomid to do it though. Bronson was a bit easier. It only took 4 months total of meds to achieve pregnancy with him. All of those precious babies were made out of love for them. Longing for another child, not feeling whole, knowing my family wasn't complete is how they came about. I love them all immensely and am SO very grateful that God gave me the children he did, even when I am at my wits end. This baby though, this baby surprised me. This baby required no effort. This baby, I feel, was conceived out of Bryan's and my love for each other. That is almost more than I can handle. I break out into tears almost daily thinking about it. I am so grateful to be able to experience this. I pray that all women that want a child get to as well.

*bangs head on wall*

Why on earth would any adult that cares about another adult choose to fuss at a three year old at the expenses of adult loving? I do not understand and am pissed off about it!

Happy Holidays, err...

I was excited, yet concerned a bit about celebrating with my loves family. His parents are great, but his sister and I aren't exactly the best of friends as my close friends well know. We had a blow out before I moved in and things have been at an uncomfortable stand still since. My children adore his parents. Thankfully, his sister is nice to them when I am not around according to my oldest. I was nervous though as his father has mentioned her saying she wasn't sure she could control her temper. I think she did well. Did we speak? Nope! Was it uncomfortable for me? Nope! Everyone else was so nice and there was so much going on all went well. Except when Bronson wanted to open a present early. His mom (aka Nanny) wanted to pass out all the gifts then everyone open at the same time. That is completely understandable. Well, my little fella is only 18 months old. He has zero patience. I was not going to let him because Bryan's youngest nephew is only 2. I understand. Well Bryan's mom mentioned letting Bronson go ahead (again, I would not have said OK) and his sister got all crazy eyed as she reminded her mom that she has two young kids too. It's not fair. She is right. It wouldn't have been fair even though her oldest IS older than Mylie. His mom was trying to prevent a meltdown is all. I say since that was it, we had an amazing holiday. Actually the kids had presents to open for four days! FOUR! They got so much stuff it was mind blowing. Bronson is now a master un-wrapper and Mylie really thought that on Tuesday after Christmas she should get more. She was quite bummed when I told her the good times were over until her birthday, in March. She doesn't have long to wait. She didn't want to hear it! I have to say, this was the best adult holiday season I have experienced. I truly love everyone getting together, telling stories of the past, and eating and laughing. I am SO grateful my little ones got to experience it. I can honestly say now that I do hope that his sister and I are able to mend things before Bryan and I get married or have kids. I hate that his parents are so hurt by this. I understand why though. I also hate that they seem to want desperately to fix it, yet can't. I am glad the holidays are, for the most part over, and look forward to more with my love, and his family.