Unsettled

I spoke with my father yesterday. He asked about my ex husband and if he is currently paying child support. My parents are divorced and he paid child support himself.  During the time he had to pay it he was an alcoholic. That being said, I told him no, my ex is not. He is currently five months behind and should be having his drivers licence suspended soon. I went on to say how some people get really upset about this and feel that the government should take his entire paycheck and put it towards his arrears. I do not agree. Everyone has to be able to live and have funds to do so. My father went on to say he feels they should put my ex in jail. That would motivate him to work hard at keeping a job so he can provide for the children he helped create. He said " Jennifer, don't you think that man is eating, drinking, smoking and buying things for himself? He's probably buying things for that woman he married and other people. He doesn't bother calling or seeing them. Why shouldn't he at least provide for his kids?" For some reason that really got to me. I thought about it all day. I guess since he was dealing with addiction and still paid child support. I still visited him. He still called me. I will admit, my father wasn't my favorite person during that time. He's since recovered and we are growing closer. His words just kept replaying in my head. I even dreamed about it last night. My ex was somehow in my house with all these boxes filled with toys and such that he was mailing out to other kids. I saw a box of toy cars addressed to a Matthew. I was so heart broken as my son doesn't even know the man exists. Not that Bronson is missing out. Bryan is a much better example of how a man should behave, and provide. I just don't want my kids to feel that their natural father doesn't love them. Mylie still asks about him all the time. Talise doesn't bother because she is really hurt by it all. Talise has even reached out to some of his family and didn't even get a return call or text It really hurts her. She feels unloved and alone. That breaks my heart. My kids did not ask for any of this. I expected more from his family. I never would have imagined that he wouldn't see his kids. Mylie has been slowly opening up and telling me things. It seems he had them lie to me  lot as well. I am grateful that they no longer have that pressure on them. I just hate that they have to experience pain and feel rejected. I wish their were a way to explain it that they could understand they are amazing. It is his ignorance and loss. I heard that he regrets listening to his brother and stopping seeing them, yet he's made no effort to correct that. I hope to shake this heavy heart now that I've gotten this off of my chest. I will never understand anyone ever being OK with not seeing their children.