Grrr

I am a crazy woman. That is it in a nut shell. I have tantrums and am loony! I am going to talk to my doctor about it tomorrow. I don't like to yell, but I sure have been yelling a lot. Talise completely works my nerves, and Mylie is two, enough said. Really Mylie is wonderful, she is just prone to tantrums too.  Heck, lately I've been showing her how to get it done! Talise does help me out a lot. She is a good kid.  She is just SO mouthy and it seems like she looks to show anyone that will pay attention how stupid I am.  She is forever correcting me. I was trying to do our taxes, huge procrastinator, I know. I asked Talise to PLEASE entertain Mylie so I could get it over with. She comes in the living room and sits down then proceeds to fuss at Mylie for being loud when she is trying to watch t.v. I would be lying if I said that didn't rub me the wrong way. I asked her to open the front door so Mylie could go outside and play, don't worry, we live really far away from the street in the middle of nothing, and I could see her. Mylie needed help putting on clothes. Talise yells at Mylie, then runs out of the room and out the side door.  She didn't want to play with her sister, she didn't want to go outside, but that is what she did. As I tried to do taxes, Mylie was crying looking out the window at her sister, who wouldn't play outside with her, riding on her scooter outside.  then Talise decides to come up on the porch and taunt Mylie. Now I am angry. I help Mylie get her clothes on and put the taxes aside.  We go outside for Mylie to jump on the trampoline. I asked Talise why she did that.  She told me that even though she knows that I get upset when she runs outside she did it anyway. I sent her to her room. I couldn't deal with her nicely so I sent her away. Mylie and I hung outside for a while. Talise continued to mouth off when we came in. Mylie got tired and upset that Talise took her dinner to the sofa so she decided to go boneless. I decided it was time for a shower. Mylie is crying following me, almost walking on me. The entire time saying hold me momma, hold me. I turn on the water and look into the shower and it is a mess. Talise had left shampoo, conditioner, razors, wash cloths, and body wash everywhere.  I told her to be sure to put everything back where it belongs and step into the shower. Mylie is in front of me. I went to lift Mylie up to put her on the shower seat and my foot slipped which caused me to fall forward into the wall.  My falling caused me to push Mylie forward and she slid on the shower seat that was very slippery from shampoo or something. She flipped sideways and hit her head on the hand rail. I screamed out, Mylie started crying, I almost started crying.  I screamed out to Talise for her to help us out and clean up her mess while I checked Mylie out. No bumps or bruises, just crying hard and very scared. Once the shower was clean Mylie was very clingy as she was scared that we were gonna fall again. After we got out and dried off we went to eat some pie I had made earlier. Talise kept asking me to show her where I fell and I was still irritated so I told her to drop it. I got us all pie and as we sit to eat it Mylie wants to get on the sofa. I took the bowl from her and sat it on the coffee table so I could help her up.  She took that as me saying no and went boneless.  I lost it. I picked her up while yelling at her to stop it and put her on the sofa. She immediately went to get back off so she could get her pie.  I told her I was giving her her pie and she said ok.  Then she told me not to do that, and she loved me. I felt like poo.  Worse than poo. She is my baby, and I yelled at her.  After she got scared. I feel horrible for arguing with Talise all day.  I feel a lot like I remembered my own mother behaving and I do not like it. I do not have many fond memories of her. In fact, we aren't speaking now. I really hope that I can do enough good so that this little episode doesn't change who they are too much.  I don't want them to remember me as crazy.   That is how I feel today though. I hope it goes away when I give birth. I am definitely bringing it up tomorrow.